How do I want to leave people feeling when they are done interacting with me or my essence?
Do I want them to feel the way others have made me felt?
I have been trying to make up for things I shouldn’t have had to apologize for, but for things they should’ve been making up to me.
I have repeatedly tried and been repeatedly rejected.
It hurts to try more when I know it will not change.
I do not need to do this anymore.
I can focus my energy and thoughts on those who will appreciate it and use it.
Not those who don’t deserve me and never did.
It hurts because I know they will come back to try to use me,
it’s okay, because like they kept forgetting and rejecting me, I will tell them you had your chances, no more. Remember, you disowned me. You repeatedly shunned me. Therefore now that time is up for you to redeem yourself you have made your choice over and over and while I will spare you my wrath and show you grace and mercy I will not give you what you want.
I’ve been solo and I’ll stay that way if it means not settling for bullshit that’s less than what I deserve or hurting me. No it’s not others’ responsibility for my emotions but it is someone’s expectation when in a close relationship with me that if we are to be together and building anything towards a future goal you need to equally reciprocate and if you can’t or won’t I will not tolerate it I will move on.
11 years to apologize for who I was and the choices I made when I was not doing anything wrong. Just wrong to those who didn’t want me to have my own power.
Flipping the Script.
Thank you for treating me like shit. Thank you for hurting me, neglecting me, rejecting me, abusing me, pushing me away, and disowning me. Thank you for over and over showing me how I don’t need to be assosciated with people like you. Thank you for showing me what not to be like, and what to look out for. Thank you for making me a master at dealing with energies like you so I can help others. Thank you for letting me infiltrate your minds so I can learn what makes you tick and then start my operation of annihilating any traces of you and your diseased kind in this journey of mine in this world.
Thank you for showing me how much I can love, and how much of a good person I can be if I choose to. Thank you for teaching me how to have grace and patience, how to be stoic, how to block energy off. Thank you for underestimating me so I could prove you wrong.
Thanks for always letting me know how much I was not enough for you and how I never will be, now I am great at everything I do.
Thanks for always dismissing my concerns and worries, I now can tolerate so much if I need to. I’m very strong now.
Thanks for always reminding me when you speak of how far I’ve come along and how I was right for not letting you hold me back.
Some of these may not resonate with everyone. Take what works and apply it to your situation. They’re general readings. Thank you
You want to move away quickly from the things you know aren’t benefiting you. The only way to stop feeling the way you do is leave or quickly offer your love to this person because what you’ve been doing to them is unfair and will never workout if you always are creating drama due to another person knocking you off balance. In the past you maybe lied and were manipulative, didn’t want to commit, and keeping other choices around. They are guarded now that they’re building themselves back up and in a relationship they moved on because they want commitment that’s something you wouldn’t do for them. You pouting over nothing coming from this is you being immature and playing victim. Time to move on. The more you try to do this the more anxious you’ll be. There’s nothing left there and trying to make a fool of them publicly will not do anything to help you, especially if you were hoping for some help. Making people out to be your enemy and making yourself feel victimized and defeated is blocking you in life and creating unnecessary havoc. You’d be much happier moving forward and going at it alone. You need your strength and focus on yourself getting better. It may not seem good at first but break this addiction and you will see. You can only blame your perception on whether “the world is yours” vs. “I’m stuck and can’t do anything about it.” Choose to let it go or have the universe rip it away in a way you surely won’t get it back.
You’re entirely way into your own head. Anxious over all scenarios. They are happy with you. Just because they do not always accept your offers doesn’t mean they don’t want to be with you. They feel weak if they are not withholding their own independence. You want a refreshment in your life and relationship and that’ll happen when you help keep them in a confident and balanced state by showing off your commitment to them. You’re lying to yourself if you feel like people are trying or expect you to stay trapped at home. That’s a third party or an addiction trying to tell you that. Offer it to the one who’s been there for you even when you know they didn’t need to put up with it. The quicker you shape up the better because they aren’t afraid to leave it all behind. You’re letting go of some burdens you had and focusing on being you and making the decision to live correctly which will take alot of stress off of you. You can’t see the damage this will do if you continue to do the things you know are not beneficial for you. Time for a new slate where even if it hurts you’re not putting up with the lies or manipulation. You can have it all as along as you let them be them and don’t try to manipulate or control them. Nothing good is going to come from acting how you are when you’re trying to order them around so quit being stubborn and closed off or you’re going to lose your chance with this. This is everything you’ve wanted so be strong and stop fighting with them. Go after the things you like stop worrying about others, you’re causing most of your own stress.
You did this to yourself. You’re your own worst enemy. You do these things because you’re immature not because anything happened to cause and excuse you to behave like this so be strong and really account yourself and make the changes you see and feel you need. Things would turn around for you if you’d just do the right thing. You don’t see that if you don’t properly close this cycle out then you’re going to have a bad time because you aren’t thinking ahead to when people find out about you and the unhappiness you’ve caused if you go through with this. There’s no happy relationship here. You leave people behind, hide away with your unstable emotions, and live life defensively. Anxiety every night is sure to be a success here, folks! If you’re not offering them money they don’t want to hear it. Stop investing in something that’s breaking your heart.
So rigid. So tense. This relationship is healing you though. It’s teaching you to accept your worth and to understand that everything you went through has earned you your happiness today. Enjoy it. Stay put and adjust things to how you would prefer it without asking for permission and guilt. It’s better than just quitting or dipping out without trying, right? You may just end up getting what you want and being happy without having to leave. It’s okay to want to take things slow to make sure no manipulation is going on against you. You can’t move past certain issues because you aren’t putting your energy to better uses and don’t feel a sense of security because you spend too much time thinking rather than doing. By chance you could be really happy if you offer something from what seemed like nothing. You’ll be happier when you can leave the mindset of having to care about how you seem or look to others. The drama and things people say don’t matter at the end of the day. What matters is how you handle it. Let down the burden of caring about what negative people have to say and instead focus on what opportunities in the world are being offered to you by just you being you. Take a step in a direction that’s meant for you by having the courage to do the things you’ve always wanted to do despite how others may have made you feel about it before. If you can find things to get you out of your shell and confident in yourself then alot of your codependency issues will start to fade. Do it and start watching the results come in. Offer your energy to what emotionally stabilizes you. The truth is this person loves you so stop being immature. Be healthy. Be happy. Think positive.