Healing 101

Telling me to let the past go
when you’re the one still show casing you intimate with other people and touching them inappropriately in front of me and in photos.
But right that’s my just my insecurity though?
Complain about how there’s not enough of “us”
but when the oppurtunity arises you aren’t showing it off and you’re not showing up.
Why say I need to do more of x, y, and z
if when i make an effort you rather do anything else than be with just me?
You care so much about how you come off and treat others yet simultaneously use what I’ve told you against me to push my buttons.
Grab my arm, do me harm, sing a song, ask if I’ll forgive you now and we can get along?
Trauma Bond.
I tell you it’s wrong and you must want a fight,
here comes the gaslight.
“I didn’t do that, you must be crazy. Be careful what you do or they might lock you up in a penitentiary’
This isn’t love, and you don’t own me.
You didn’t realize what you had and you just thought I’d never leave.
I don’t care how long it takes you to grieve, get used to it because now all I’ll ever be to you is a distant memory.
When you hurt an angel
prepared to get mangled
by the demons in your hell.
Your actions and words put you here when you convinced me it was safe to trust you and when I went to fall you didn’t catch me, I just fell.
This pattern keeps repeating,
the voice that nags at me In my head causes my ears internal bleeding.
Like a broken record it does it over
and over.
I want it to end,
I want to get better.
I want to feel like I’m no longer in that world, where only bad things will happen for me and I’m always destined to be disappointed or to always fail.
I don’t know how I’m doing this but I’m trying to get my shit together and keep moving forward without thinking about running away or dying. The more i ramble to express what i feel, the less i feel confident about being understood or heard but I’m trying.
Consideration should be a two way sensation not about what one loyal person does for the other who cannot resist temptation.
What has come of this nation.
Fuck this jibber jabber I’m going to do some saging
before i start raging.
But back to the main point for a conclusion,
your inability to love or be loved, here’s the solution,
love yourself first so you can let others love you.
Be the change,
broaden your emotional range,
don’t care who thinks you’re strange.
Hurting others won’t heal you,
and then you will have karma coming back at you.
Don’t lie for the sake of not hurting someone’s feelings,
because at the end of the day, they don’t deserve to be crying on their beds staring up at their ceilings
wondering why no matter what they do you still don’t seem satisfied to be with them.
/mood

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End of October 2018 Tarotscope

Take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. You have a full natal chart, and energies can be switched. Apply it how it fits for you. This is a general, not personal reading. 

 

FIRE

Wean yourself if it’s too much at first. Let go of being upset that someone else took care of them self better than you could. The only thing to worry about now is healing yourself. The rest will follow after seeing you’re serious. It’s okay to be happier on your own. No one would blame you. But if you wanted to try again a tip is knowing this person just needs to hear that they weren’t a burden on you. You know you can’t offer them anything legitimate unless you’ve taken care of yourself first. You have to give this person time to grieve the fact that you’ve been selfish. There’s no new drama, they just are keeping their boundaries firm and keeping to themselves.

 

AIR

Have you imagined the loss of your closest person? The reason they think that they’re a burden is because their parents weren’t there like they should’ve been and they feel like there must be something wrong with them. So just express to them how they’re not too much for you. Keeping yourself balanced helps with ignoring external proposals that you don’t want. You have come too far to do some dumb selfish shit. You see how far they’ve come too, and don’t want them to have to start over either. You know they’re who you want you just want to be able to start your new slate clean and fresh. You can have what you want but you just need to be good with this one person or let them go. They were there when no one else was, and you still want them after you’ve gotten more success. Even when things aren’t great they find a way to make it good for you. Make sure to be grateful and caring in return and not abuse your power in the situation over them.

 

WATER

Before someone can be a life guard they are required to meet certain standards and be certified in emergency protocols. Also how can you save anyone if you aren’t saving yourself first? Stop being controlling hoping it’ll help you not lose things. If it’s meant to be out of your life it will be replaced with something else. The inability to accept love is emotional immaturity due to someone else saying you weren’t enough and others are better than you. You are choosing to give that person your own power when you agree to the idea of them finding someone better than you. Get to the point where if someone threatens to leave or say you deserve something less than your worth you won’t hesitate to call their bluff and walk away. It’s not that you don’t love them, it’s that you deserve to be happy and respected, end of story. You might have issues to no fault of your own, and happy or not, it’s only fair you give yourself a break to get back on your feet when you need it. Always working away because someone told you you had to doesn’t mean it’s the Law. You’re the boss of your own life. Not anybody else. If something makes you happy and feel full of purpose the money doesn’t need to be a concern it will follow with time. Quit giving time to things that aren’t good for you and start going after what it is you want to accomplish while you’re here.

 

EARTH

Anyone can be a magician or an evil sorcerer. Just depends how much dedication you apply to your studying and your practice. Also the mindset you choose to carry with your set of skills plays a part in your delivery and reception to your show. Don’t compare yourself to others you find naturally more talented at something than you either because attendance and effort reward eternally with experience. Some naturally with it will never appreciate their gift or be willing to share it with others. You do you. You are the one who needs to tame your emotional beast. No one else can do that for you. You can’t be manipulated by others if you’re “manipulating” yourself already. Anything that makes it harder on your emotions you need to deal with it. Others may be warning your partner to find someone else because of your emotional bullshit. Faith and working on your crafts and skills will bring you out of your anxiety and stress while benefiting you vs. the crap you know won’t. If unfortunately someone from your past who treated you like there was something out there better for them than you comes around don’t give it a second chance. You are over the drama and want to focus on yourself, not them. You don’t need dishonest, unbalanced, manipulative people in your life anymore. That also means you gotta stop your own mind games you play yourself too, right? Cause you ain’t a hypocrite.

 

COLLECTIVE

Say what it is you want said to you. Teal. Communication with the point to reach calmness and clarity. Lavender. Sometimes you have to wait to find how long “forever” will last with something. This waiting time is sacred and precious. It’s time you can better yourself with in preparation for the next stage. How you choose to use it is yours, but in this lifetime it’s time you will never get back. Use it with wise discretion. Dried Rose. You desire to keep the classic idea of romance, love, and beauty as your foundation to all things in your life you build upon. You also encourage and influence others to do the same in their own life. You could have the happiness you want if you focus on what you can do that’s good for you and not waste your time on things that are not. The choice is yours whether to keep things going or not. There’s no better time than now and your emotions are the only thing in your way.

Tarotscope Mid June 2018

DISCLOSURE

These are general tarot readings for each element and are not personal, therefore, some of the messages may or may not resonate. Please take what does, and leave behind what isn’t meant for you 

                                                                               💓

 

Fire

It’d pay you well to go within yourself and stop doing the things you know are not right. You’re at a disadvantage with the relationship you want to pursue because they see you as an enemy. They see you as someone who is emotionally manipulative and can’t offer real commitment to them. You can’t be a control freak and expect to have the type of partner you also want. There has to be compromise. If you want to be able to do the things you want, you’re going to have to be okay with them doing the same things. Things weren’t fair before with this person because you were happier not have a new beginning and acting guarded. You wanted it to stay where it was because you knew that when it would go forward the truth would cause it to stop. They didn’t want the drama so they moved forward instead of moping about it because they knew they are better off. They are able to fulfill themselves emotionally now. A new beginning can’t start till you finalize a separation with someone from the past. Addictions, trials, and third party situations plague this repeated heart breaking cycle. You don’t take accountability for your own actions and actually do anything about it so until you do you can’t end your cycle to move forward. In the past you may have been unhappy with the results you were seeing but soon you realize there’s something to be gained from this. When you realize the lessons you gained and how it improved your work and your character you can’t lay down the burdens of the opportunities that were missed and move forward.

Air

A new beginning couldn’t start quickly because the community kept creating anxious thoughts every time they saw someone was getting out of anxiety. They gained control of their thoughts again and are trying for the new beginning. They are offering abundance and happiness from here on out. They don’t like conflict and drama or fighting. They understand how to defend themselves and others though when they feel things are unfair because of controlling people they’ve dealt with before. No one is trying to leave or move. Strength needs to be used to get balance during this time. Offer yourself more. You’ve been trying to seem like it’s all together but things haven’t been as honest as they should be. These issues need to be ended if you want to have a future with this person. You can’t blame them for how they feel in regards to this when things are not honest and that’s what they were worried of in the first place. You want someone to believe that you just have extra love to give but they aren’t falling for it. Your options game is not going to continue. Stop talking to or about things/people from the past who didn’t work out or do anything for you. Good fortune follows you when you focus on happiness in your relationship and not what others think about you two.

Water

When you make the decision to turn down the things which keep you chained to an unhappy lifestyle, feeling, or situation, that’s when success will take off. The work you put in is not at it’s full potential because you’re not as present as you need to be. You let your doubts cloud your judgement as well. You can’t have a new beginning if you keep choosing to argue or shut down. Focus on controlling your words and actions more when you are in a mood. It’s not being fake to have a filter. It’s coming off like a nice guy instead of a douche. When you have the strength to tame yourself and not be dramatic or instigate that’s when a new phase can begin. You want to move and you feel stuck but that’s because you’re in your head upset about having to do things. Offer to help people instead of thinking they should just be discarded and replaced. You feel happier when you’re independent enough to control yourself and can still help them go through their flashbacks. You get fulfillment from one another and you want to see it pay off. Be careful to not indulge too much in things you know aren’t good for you. For success in your relationships you need to practice optimism and balance yourself out. You haven’t been fair in the past and now you are seeming to be a jerk. It’s a decision how you treat yourself and others.

Earth

You’re stuck unable to accept an offer because you were not forgetting about the things some abusive controlling person used to say. When you stop believing things that someone who just wanted to inflict pain on you says you can start focusing on your goals again. Make the decision to transform pain into beauty to create abundance. You will be happy being in your relationship when you put your burdens down and see the world without a jaded view. Be you, and the fights will lessen in intensity and consistency. You are so committed to the idea that things will go wrong you have built up a negative energy momentum in your life. Try changing your perception on reality despite your feelings. When you stop being petty and you start being vulnerable things will move quickly for you. You think you can’t get anywhere because you’re being greedy by not allowing yourself success. You’re unhappy doing things that don’t feel right to you so do the things that make you happy and feel right to you. The way to your happiness and ultimate power is by listening to your intuition and following it. Quickly you will realize all the things you thought you couldn’t see have been right there all along. You see now how much you have to offer, even if it took you a while to see it. You have enough behind you now though that you feel content and confident in who you are. You feel more balanced and like you can go out there feeling victorious. That through all that adversity you can still come out of it and people tried their hardest to stop you, the still couldn’t. Remember your power. Remember you’re a bad ass.

Tarotscope for Beginning of June 2018

 

DISCLOSURE

These are general tarot readings for each element and are not personal, therefore, some of the messages may or may not resonate. Please take what does, and leave behind what isn’t meant for you 

💓

 

 

Fire

Manipulation and deception is causing you issues in the community and/or at work. You are moving slowly towards something that you know will bring you happiness. The reason things are going slow is because you are wasting time and energy on trying to get across to someone who isn’t trying to hear you out. You are keeping yourself in a mental prison by doing this. They want you to stop trying to create conflict and move on to better things in life. Trying to offer them something half assed isn’t the way to do things and the advice is do things for yourself to be successful, not benefit from others’ success. You blame others for your instability and lack of success when they were the ones who were grounded and wanting to help. You trying to offer anything is you trying to stay stuck in a karmic cycle instead of closing it out but what’s in the past is in the past and you would be less anxious if you’d accept that there is nothing left, the damage is done, they have moved on. Put this energy towards yourself and dealing with your relationship blockages and healing yourself. You will be happy in a relationship when you can learn to be happy and strong within yourself first. You will repeat this till you learn the lesson.

 

Air

It’s hard to have hope of healthy relationships when you’re used to only negative things you want to make this person happy and prove you’re not manipulative and offer a healthy relationship. You need the strength to make a choice over what you’re used to vs what you will make your dreams come true. Hold onto who and what’s important to you. You weren’t able to provide like you wanted to for this person but you want to offer them a clean slate where they have more options and less anxiety over this issue. Some people think you’re acting standoffish but you’re doing what you feel is right and walking away from things that weren’t good for you because you saw that it wouldn’t lead to the happy life you wanted with someone else. This person is trapped in their thoughts. They may feel guilty for being happy with their choices due to someone cruel in their past and/or worrying they’re making you feel this way. Someone may have done you wrong in the past with business but this person you are helping will surprise you with help achieving success in your life. Don’t underestimate them because of how rough times affected them.

 

Water

You can quickly make a decision to get out of a commitment by saying you want to start focusing on saving money and working more. You foresee being happier being independent as not being able to do as much is putting you at a disadvantage because it feels like this person is using you for money. In the past you were able to control things easier by pretending you were hurt but the truth is you just don’t like to follow rules. You’re not going to pursue a new beginning because you feel better off without. It’s been a burden to keep hoping it’ll be worth the effort and you feel you’d be less anxious offering this energy to yourself instead. You really feel like your energy is better spent elsewhere. Neither of you can be balanced if you’re indulging in things that make you over emotional. If the money spent becomes less and their respect becomes less than you know what they value more.

 

Earth

You’re slow because you think all your options suck and will be the same as before. You are being too broken over having to change your job/path. When you stop being in your own way feeling sorry for yourself you will realize that by being a strong motivator for your clients to achieve their own success you will succeed. Together. You are keeping yourself in the mentality that you can’t do this. This is what you’re supposed to do. Take the unhappy failed attempts in your life and put the effort into releasing yourself of the anxiety of it by sharing with the world how to stop what’s toxic and how to choose happiness and faith over lack of self worth and negativity. Things didn’t work before or move forward before so you could have a new beginning getting what you deserve once you let go of the past and stop conflict that’s arising from it. You can’t see anything moving forward because you think you are supposed to have it all yourself or you’re screwed. You’re stuck in a back and forth cycle in your head. It’s a choice in perspective. Will you let what a bunch of losers say hold you back or will you choose to find the positive in every moment you can and build yourself and your support system up? Start by self care being your priority, and finding like minded people to be in your group who value the same things as you.

Move Forward

I forgive myself for all the bad things I’ve had to do to take care of myself in the past.
I forgive others’ bad behavior for what roles they played in my life.
I forgive myself for not having known better, now I do.
I appreciate everything I’ve been given and gone through.
I appreciate everything and everyone I have.
I aim to achieve all the goals I set out to do.
I commit to not letting myself down.
My power is mine and I will not give it away anymore.