How do I want to leave people feeling when they are done interacting with me or my essence?
Do I want them to feel the way others have made me felt?
I have been trying to make up for things I shouldn’t have had to apologize for, but for things they should’ve been making up to me.
I have repeatedly tried and been repeatedly rejected.
It hurts to try more when I know it will not change.
I do not need to do this anymore.
I can focus my energy and thoughts on those who will appreciate it and use it.
Not those who don’t deserve me and never did.
It hurts because I know they will come back to try to use me,
it’s okay, because like they kept forgetting and rejecting me, I will tell them you had your chances, no more. Remember, you disowned me. You repeatedly shunned me. Therefore now that time is up for you to redeem yourself you have made your choice over and over and while I will spare you my wrath and show you grace and mercy I will not give you what you want.
I’ve been solo and I’ll stay that way if it means not settling for bullshit that’s less than what I deserve or hurting me. No it’s not others’ responsibility for my emotions but it is someone’s expectation when in a close relationship with me that if we are to be together and building anything towards a future goal you need to equally reciprocate and if you can’t or won’t I will not tolerate it I will move on.
11 years to apologize for who I was and the choices I made when I was not doing anything wrong. Just wrong to those who didn’t want me to have my own power.
Flipping the Script.
Thank you for treating me like shit. Thank you for hurting me, neglecting me, rejecting me, abusing me, pushing me away, and disowning me. Thank you for over and over showing me how I don’t need to be assosciated with people like you. Thank you for showing me what not to be like, and what to look out for. Thank you for making me a master at dealing with energies like you so I can help others. Thank you for letting me infiltrate your minds so I can learn what makes you tick and then start my operation of annihilating any traces of you and your diseased kind in this journey of mine in this world.
Thank you for showing me how much I can love, and how much of a good person I can be if I choose to. Thank you for teaching me how to have grace and patience, how to be stoic, how to block energy off. Thank you for underestimating me so I could prove you wrong.
Thanks for always letting me know how much I was not enough for you and how I never will be, now I am great at everything I do.
Thanks for always dismissing my concerns and worries, I now can tolerate so much if I need to. I’m very strong now.
Thanks for always reminding me when you speak of how far I’ve come along and how I was right for not letting you hold me back.