Bringing In December 2018

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FfF

ffff
ffff
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fuuuu
FUCKKKK

FIGHT FREEZE FLEE
look what you’ve done to me
constantly believing
that this is my reality

ain’t no game
i’m in a lot of pain
i cant shut up my brain
and i think i’ve already went insane

HEY HEY YOU
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO
WHEN YOU FALL FOR ME AND THINK YOU CAN HANDLE IT
WHEN IM ALREADY TELLING YOU

this isn’t what you want
Im not who you think
i am
some broken woman
jaded and confused
lost in this 3d world
wondering what’s left to lose

HEY HEY YOU
WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?
there’s nothing left to see
what do you want from me?
there’s nothing here for you
but yes i love you too

End of October 2018 Tarotscope

Take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. You have a full natal chart, and energies can be switched. Apply it how it fits for you. This is a general, not personal reading. 

 

FIRE

Wean yourself if it’s too much at first. Let go of being upset that someone else took care of them self better than you could. The only thing to worry about now is healing yourself. The rest will follow after seeing you’re serious. It’s okay to be happier on your own. No one would blame you. But if you wanted to try again a tip is knowing this person just needs to hear that they weren’t a burden on you. You know you can’t offer them anything legitimate unless you’ve taken care of yourself first. You have to give this person time to grieve the fact that you’ve been selfish. There’s no new drama, they just are keeping their boundaries firm and keeping to themselves.

 

AIR

Have you imagined the loss of your closest person? The reason they think that they’re a burden is because their parents weren’t there like they should’ve been and they feel like there must be something wrong with them. So just express to them how they’re not too much for you. Keeping yourself balanced helps with ignoring external proposals that you don’t want. You have come too far to do some dumb selfish shit. You see how far they’ve come too, and don’t want them to have to start over either. You know they’re who you want you just want to be able to start your new slate clean and fresh. You can have what you want but you just need to be good with this one person or let them go. They were there when no one else was, and you still want them after you’ve gotten more success. Even when things aren’t great they find a way to make it good for you. Make sure to be grateful and caring in return and not abuse your power in the situation over them.

 

WATER

Before someone can be a life guard they are required to meet certain standards and be certified in emergency protocols. Also how can you save anyone if you aren’t saving yourself first? Stop being controlling hoping it’ll help you not lose things. If it’s meant to be out of your life it will be replaced with something else. The inability to accept love is emotional immaturity due to someone else saying you weren’t enough and others are better than you. You are choosing to give that person your own power when you agree to the idea of them finding someone better than you. Get to the point where if someone threatens to leave or say you deserve something less than your worth you won’t hesitate to call their bluff and walk away. It’s not that you don’t love them, it’s that you deserve to be happy and respected, end of story. You might have issues to no fault of your own, and happy or not, it’s only fair you give yourself a break to get back on your feet when you need it. Always working away because someone told you you had to doesn’t mean it’s the Law. You’re the boss of your own life. Not anybody else. If something makes you happy and feel full of purpose the money doesn’t need to be a concern it will follow with time. Quit giving time to things that aren’t good for you and start going after what it is you want to accomplish while you’re here.

 

EARTH

Anyone can be a magician or an evil sorcerer. Just depends how much dedication you apply to your studying and your practice. Also the mindset you choose to carry with your set of skills plays a part in your delivery and reception to your show. Don’t compare yourself to others you find naturally more talented at something than you either because attendance and effort reward eternally with experience. Some naturally with it will never appreciate their gift or be willing to share it with others. You do you. You are the one who needs to tame your emotional beast. No one else can do that for you. You can’t be manipulated by others if you’re “manipulating” yourself already. Anything that makes it harder on your emotions you need to deal with it. Others may be warning your partner to find someone else because of your emotional bullshit. Faith and working on your crafts and skills will bring you out of your anxiety and stress while benefiting you vs. the crap you know won’t. If unfortunately someone from your past who treated you like there was something out there better for them than you comes around don’t give it a second chance. You are over the drama and want to focus on yourself, not them. You don’t need dishonest, unbalanced, manipulative people in your life anymore. That also means you gotta stop your own mind games you play yourself too, right? Cause you ain’t a hypocrite.

 

COLLECTIVE

Say what it is you want said to you. Teal. Communication with the point to reach calmness and clarity. Lavender. Sometimes you have to wait to find how long “forever” will last with something. This waiting time is sacred and precious. It’s time you can better yourself with in preparation for the next stage. How you choose to use it is yours, but in this lifetime it’s time you will never get back. Use it with wise discretion. Dried Rose. You desire to keep the classic idea of romance, love, and beauty as your foundation to all things in your life you build upon. You also encourage and influence others to do the same in their own life. You could have the happiness you want if you focus on what you can do that’s good for you and not waste your time on things that are not. The choice is yours whether to keep things going or not. There’s no better time than now and your emotions are the only thing in your way.

Mid October 2018 Tarotscope

Take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. You have a full natal chart, and energies can be switched. Apply it how it fits for you. This is a general, not personal reading. 

 

 

FIRE

You will get what you desire but first you must lay down the chasing of people who serve no purpose other than being a warm body to you. Focus on your dreams and don’t worry about the money because whatever you want from your heart you will get. You were investing in a commitment and the tables have turned and now you do whatever you shall please. Don’t expect them to stay though. Wait… you thought you could have your cake and eat everything else too? No. You can only have yours. Not keep yours and nibble here and there on other things. You know that’s not right. Be honest about the lack of morality that mindset is. You wanted things to go this way and were going to be happy about it before so really sit there and think about what it is you even want. Realize already you’re not balanced enough to know. Focus on the positive things in life. People walked out on you because of your treatment towards them and behavior. It’s not fair and they don’t deserve it. You know that’s not how you treat someone you love. If you want someone else, be honest about it. If you can’t then they need to be let go.

 

WATER

Drinking and drugs never help emotions. If you’re tired of feeling stuck do other things to feel good that aren’t drinking. You should give it a shot and try really hard at recovering from that before you decide to just throw a relationship with someone away. If you’re cheating on them or cheating them out of something that they need then that’s not fair. Fix what feels wrong, right your wrongs, and only do wrongs now when it comes to the things that make you feel trapped. Do what makes you happy and stop giving it to things and people that don’t. With power comes great responsibility. Don’t do it if you can’t submit yourself to the judgement when you’re out of line. Only committing to what’s right will fix the past. Slow down with drama if you want more success. Come out of the victim role. You know what’s manipulating you. You know that ruins your esteem. Get it under control.

 

AIR

This person views your retrieval of efforts as you giving it to somebody else. They think you want to go have fun with other people while you want them to “work on them self”. Your inability to be stable is putting this relationship on a halt. You think vices are more important than something you’ve always wanted? They aren’t going to keep being there for you if you keep adding to their burdens. Invest in a new beginning where you are independent but not unfair and secretive about things. All that contributes to the situation is chaos. You don’t feel good about something because of things that you or someone else did wrong in the past and how others reacted to it. They don’t live your life and they don’t know what it’s like for you. They can’t tell you anything you don’t already know before. Keep to yourself and what feels good to you and you’ll see the good that returns for doing that.

 

EARTH

Don’t sabotage yourself. If you’re feeling victimized you can neutralize it. Pull back and regroup yourself when you feel unstable. Give yourself happiness to get you back to your advantage point. You’re turning down offers that don’t feel good to you even if you can’t decide if that’s the best decision or not. Things are going good but feel stagnant because you still haven’t found ways to keep yourself happy on a consistent basis. Step 1, walk away from drama. Focus on your crafts. Offer your time and effort to yourself if they’re telling you they can’t be there for you like they said they could. They want to use their money on vices. Their lying ins’t going to keep getting slid past you. You want to feel good about the situation and like you can trust them, not like you can’t. They’re going to come out and say how they feel about this. No more efforts to what feels bad to you now. Be happy being independent. Don’t listen to others when it comes to your own creations. Everyone loves someone who doesn’t give up on them self. If they don’t love you for that, they’re a dream crusher, and they gotta go.

Second Week October 2018 Tarotscope

Take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. You have a full natal chart, and energies can be switched. Apply it how it fits for you. This is a general, not personal reading. 

 

FIRE

It’s apparent you know the negative things and people that you need to let go of so you can focus on your money and healing. No more new beginnings till you’re feeling ready. Do you feel lighter after letting it go? You’re being guarded towards the person who called you out. Don’t try to apologize, they will not believe you. They think you’re a liar and they feel better off without you. You cut yourself off and feeling victimized now when they just don’t want to put up with your shit. You feel stuck and like you’ve had a shitty time because of your own actions. It is your responsibility to get yourself the help you need. It’s not working, never has, and isn’t fair to those who care about you, isn’t fair to yourself, and can’t keep going on like this. You think you’re fine and not the problem. Go ahead and wait for them to make a move, you won’t get far. They feel unburdened now by letting you go. Buh-bye. To get rid of the anxiety you feel now is take control of what you actually can and work more on yourself and your own finances. Get help with your illness and/or addictions. It’s the only way to get what you want.

 

 

AIR

They’re happy with you but they have disorders/ailments that require you to be extra careful with them and you need to stay away from toxic and secretive situations. Stop always trying to pick fights with the people you say you care about. They will walk away if you can’t show some commitment. You are caring about theme even though they might’ve hurt you making you feel like they weren’t trying as much as they could’ve to help a situation. If you make threats be prepared for them to call your bluff. They can be on their own. Someone did or said something fucked up and the other is willing to give it another chance but if time goes too long without the offender extending the olive branch then they’ll start to walk away. If the offender wants the other person confident and happy like they claim then they need to act like they mean it because the other person feels mind fucked. If they’re what you want, why are you waiting? Tomorrow isn’t promised. You will be surprised what’s on the other side of your fear if you speak up about your thoughts and emotions.

 

WATER

You don’t feel confident because you’re arrogantly being paranoid of everything and that’s because the role of being the over dramatic one to get noticed is slowly becoming no longer useful. That personality was learned and needed for the trauma you were in at the time but it’s served it’s purpose and time to retire it. It’s time to celebrate life now. You’ve been holding onto your pennies and people think you are holding back but you know the truth of it is you’ve been focusing more on the relationship than anything else and it was needed to go through all the internal work to get rid of some of the crippling anxiety you were experiencing. Now that you’ve shed that layer you can start brand new. Success starts with acknowledging the ways you’ve already won. Someone wants to believe it but just can’t right now. They’re struggling to stay balanced. Step 1: Don’t do things you know will fuck with your emotions. Step 2: Don’t do things you know will upset your Home. It won’t stay hidden, it won’t work out, they don’t deserve it. If you want it anyways that’s sad news for you because by giving into temptations you are missing the blessing in front of you. Stop being arrogant. Stop feeling so guarded with your feelings. Stop doing things that don’t make you feel good.

 

EARTH

You’re done feeling sad and stuck because of the people who didn’t want happiness with you before. You’ve decided the truth is you’re awesome and it’s time to enjoy life already. Anxiety will end when you stop making efforts and offers to what ins’t making you feel the best you. You let them know that you just don’t see anything good coming of it. They were too arrogant and the drama they caused is unneeded in your life. You struggle to walk away from things you know are bad for you because of the investments you’ve already put into it but if they can’t treat you correctly you’re halting movement forward. Things won’t continue until you feel stable, victorious, and you see they make the room for you to fit on front display in their life. Money and material possessions mean nothing to you if you’re not also being offered emotion behind it. Codependency and addictions are preventing you from moving forward so offer time and effort to other things that make you feel good and happy. Trying to control other people so you can be happy has never worked. Take a chance on yourself and do what’s fair for you, or stay emotional and stuck. Someone is fighting the truth about the spiritual lesson and blessing within this union. They were being closed off but quickly going to come in with an offer of commitment. They’re happy and know that it’s just fear telling them you wonder about being with others. If you’re settling or not getting what you want have the strength to stand up for yourself and say “I’m amazing and I can do this with or without you, the unstable unhappy home scene is over and done.” We’re coming out of that. Pull back and see how they react to you doing that. That’ll tell you what they’re really all about. Even if you have “nothing left” it’s not worth it to stay where you don’t feel genuinely cared about.

Big Brother 20 Episode Recap September 12th 2018

Tyler asks Sam if she’s okay, she says “I think so. I’m not walking around here like I’m safe. The way I behave is to keep my sanity. I clean, I have my routine…”

Tyler notices she’s already starting to freak out.

Haleigh says she needs some febreze, and Sam says “we have a hundred million cans…”

Haleigh hopes Sam loses her cool.

Brett asks JC if he likes his hair slicked back better or not

JC says whatever

Brett says oh come on, JC says youa lways look great babe.

They say they know Sam’s going to work herself up into a fit.

They are worried who goes up if Haleigh takes herself down with veto.

JC says it’s for sure one of us. It won’t be Angela or Tyler.

 

Kaycee tells Tyler she’ll put up JC if someone comes down.

 

Angela’s parents wish her well and tell her she’s doing well and that they miss her.

82 days

She says it means everything they’re there with her.

Brett’s family says they can smell him from there. They love and miss him.

He calls his sister a lil shit.

Sam’s mom dad and brother say they are proud of her.

She said it was a great comfort.

Tyler’s mom and step dad say they are super proud of him.

He says he misses his dad in heaven and hearing his mom say that means alot. He says he gets all his strength from his dad.

Kaycee’s dad and brothers say they’re getting peanut allergies from her. They mock their mom and say how much they all miss her.

She says “I’m never gonna hear the end of peanut”

JC’s friend says they miss him so much, and he’s a winner in their eyes. bring home the check so they can go shopping.

JC says he feels weird being the only one not close with his family. He says even a gay girl here still has her family. He says it sucks knowing whatever you do is never ever going to be enough. For some people it just never matters. I know how you feel buddy..

Haleigh’s parents and kitty say they miss her and they are proud.

She says she misses and loves them and she’s so grateful. She was getting burnt out but now it feels like a new day.

 

JC and Brett lay out in the sun eating grapes.

#J-Brett

Brett calls JC a bitch for waking him up.

JC points out Brett’s patchy beard.

Brett says he can’t be the only annoying pervert in the house.

Tyler says JC is pissing him off trying to target Kaycee and Angela.

 

Kaycee has HOH and now VETO. Three times in a row she’s had Veto.

Kaycee says they’re too far in the game to not be sure of every single move going on in the house. Tyler tells her about JC wanting her and Angela out.

Kaycee doesn’t use the power of veto.

“DUH” she says.

Sam says she’s chosen not to verbally rip them a new asshole.

Tyler says he’s planning for the future, time to go to war.

Tune in tomorrow. Double Eviction!!

 

Mid September 2018 Tarotscope All Elements

Take what resonates. These are general.

🙂

 

 

FIRE

Do what makes you happy, oh wait, you don’t know what that is and won’t till you quit your addictions. You already know that your problems are due to your habits. You aren’t stable mentally, so that means when you do them it only aggravates your mania and depression. You can fight, run, hide, but your enemy is going wherever you go because the enemy is inside of yourself. The advice is obvious, do what makes you happy till you forget about wanting it again. You need help with this. You will struggle more than you need to if you try to do it on your own. Don’t be selfish either, the reason there’s an issue is because you’ve invested into the wrong things. Have faith in your recovery process. The person who’s done the most wrong here is the one who is always creating drama instead of answering questions. You need help to quit and you will feel much better afterwards. Going to your past is a trap that you are putting yourself into. You might think people are doing things wrong but your judgement is impaired and you can’t see clearly. Fighting with people who would do anything for you is probably not the smartest idea. It’s not working for you right? Stop fucking doing it.

 

 

AIR

You’re really irritated waiting and hoping people will want to meet up with you and you aren’t seeing that some bigger force is trying to keep you out of trouble and away from people who are no good for you. Do what feels right to you and turn your focus to your relationships at home. Your friends and coworkers are not long term and you know this. The reason things feel like a cycle repeating for you is because you are not choosing to be the Best you you can be. Open up. You have the strength in this bond to be able to do so. You want to be accepted for how you are so maybe you should do the same for them in return. You’re not happy and your problems are you focusing too much on luck to solve your problems instead of just committing to practically tackle them over time. They don’t want to keep being involved in your bullshit. You create your own problems. When you can admit you have a problem, you can ask for help and get it. You think eventually it’ll make you happy to have materialistic items quicker but all it’s doing is getting you colder in the relationship. In the past you used to be an honest person but you got caught up in the wrong crowd somewhere along the way. You’re not happy because your’e scared to have something good for once. It’s something you’ve never had and now that you’ve had it you’re afraid to lose it. You think you didn’t deserve something this good, so it’s scary. You feel stuck because you are investing into things rather than the one who you always wanted. You could be really happy if you’d just slow down and be you, the real you.

 

 

WATER

You had to go because you were immature, or will be. TOO. MUCH. DRAMA. You are not stable. You are probably really disassociative right now. You don’t want to pay up but it is the right thing to do. Thievery isn’t a cool or forgivable thing. Your cycle will continue to do this till you close it out. You can be happy and it’ll stop just stop giving into the wrong things and instead give to the right ones for you. You already know what you need to do. Don’t do anything that makes you feel bad or uncomfortable. You’re the one who has to live with it.

 

 

EARTH

We have free will to conform to things or not. Understand from a higher level of consciousness that you need to evaluate the situation and see what it means to you that you perceive things how you do…and why? If you feel like you’re investing too much into something that is not satisfying you why not focus on what you like to do then? You deserve to be happy and feel confident about it. You’ve been happy independently before. You’re not stable and fighting alot because you’re ignoring yourself. When you take the time to slow down, enjoy, appreciate, and be fair to yourself like you are to others, then things you thought that wouldn’t work out for you will. What you want you’ve been blocking from yourself but that’ll change. They don’t want you to leave, they just want you to look at other options to make you happy when they’re busy. Do whatever makes you feel good and confident within yourself, whatever it may be. Being unhappy isn’t really who you are, it’s just what you had to be according to the overbearing, negative, and toxic people in your past to keep you stuck. Arguing won’t grant you your wishes. You’ve invested alot under that face but it’s time to move on and get a new one. Be the rebel you are to anything that resembles the restrictions you once endured. Nothing or no one is worth losing yourself over again. If you’re feeling stuck get out of your head, stop being anxious, and realize you can have whatever you want. You can stop playing the victim role. It is also a form of control and manipulation to act that way, and you’re not like that so be careful to not do it. Whatever you’re still mourning over go within to receive the messages about how the denial of these offers to you were actually in your favor. You wouldn’t have been happy or stable in those places or as successful. You lack confidence because people who were miserable themselves wanted you to stay stuck with them and may only be coming around again to get you held back up. You aren’t allowing it to continue any farther. What you are going to do is stop feeling guilty or apologetic about being happy now. You’re not bound by this negative energy anymore and because you’re not going to deal with any funny business you can now feel at ease. You’re not going to keep fighting because you no longer feel such an urge to. When you can stop acting petty, you can have a good fortune and who you want to turn things around for you. If you expect it to be quick you’re going to get disappointed. Be happy not so much while focusing on what you can do for them  it instead yourself. Offers that seem too good to be true are. Take your time being picky through the options, and then when you got it you can lay your burdens down and walk away from them. Stop pursuing things that don’t make you happy . They love you. You love them. You don’t want to split, and they’re not betraying you. But you are not stable and you really need to make yourself happy because by you not you  are looking like the asshole here and that’s not the case. You’re scared to do your new thing even though it’s exactly the new challenge you need. Let go of who they made you be and edit yourself to your own preferences.

Big Brother 20 Episode Recap September 9th 2018

Haleigh knows she’s going on the block again.

Sam feels bad for herself because she’s alone.

Kaycee and Angela talk about Haleigh and then Sam out.

Kaycee said Sam goes up as pawn, Haleigh backdoor target.

Kaycee’s brother wrote her. “Something’s in my eye!” she fibs about her crying.

Her little brother asked her to be his best “thingamajig whatever” as he marries his girlfriend. Everyone’s emotional. (Including me)

Tyler asks Angelina fave food “Sushi”

“Least fave?”

“PB & J, I hate how it smells.”

She has an acute sense of smell and it bothers her (I have this also)

Angela says Tyler never smells bad.

Brett goes and tells Sam if she goes up as pawn to calm down. He wants to build up her confidence so if she wins HOH next week, she doesn’t put him up maybe.

She said “So I’m going up. They always say pawn isn’t the main target”

“Brett doesn’t want me to freak out. Me? Freak out? Never…” she tells DR.

She goes to talk to Kaycee.

Kaycee says Sam has paranoia so she needs to make her feel safe.

She tells Sam she has a target, and she has to go.

“Is it Haleigh?” Sam asks.

“Everyone knows Sam…so let’s cross our fingers and hope…” Kaycee comments in DR.

 

Haleigh comes up to talk to Kaycee.

She keeps repeating “I have you I have you”

Kaycee says If you had me you wouldn’t have put me on the block twice.

Shut. Up.

Kaycee says “Yes..I do have you, as number one target this week” to DR.

 

Nicole from BB18 shows up for the luxury comp.

They all see her from HOH cam.

Victor shows up on the screen.

“You always fill in my blank. Even though I didn’t win the money, I walked out with the biggest prize in the world, and that was you. Our story started in the Big Brother house, but i know my future is going to be with you.”

He walks out in a suit with cut hair. He starts to tear up and gets on a knee and proposes. All the houseguests watch.

Another guest…

cliffhanger for commercial. God damnit.

 

Derrick, Paul, Brittany, Josh, and Danielle showed up too.

Now the house guests come down to join.

Sam says she’s a hopeless romantic and lives for things like that.

Tyler says having a house full of legends motivates him even more.

Brett wants to know if he looks like a jackass or awesome like he thinks he does.

Angela thinks Derrick smells good.

There’s no real luxury comp, this was for the proposal party.

 

JC is doing hoop jumps.

“You get around…haha…get it?!” Brett says. (He’s just like my boyfriend, looks mannerisms and all -_- lol )

 

Angela talks about not having a childhood and having to be perfect. I feel her pain. She talks about only associating with that identity and not knowing how to be anyone else. ( also know this feeling… damn.

Tyler says he’s so lucky to have met an amazing person like her.

Haleigh knocks on HOH door while Kaycee’s rocking out on her headphones.

Kaycee says she hasn’t really talked much and doesn’t have much to say.

Haleigh starts to cry again and Kaycee hugs her and tells her to stop.

Haleigh says she enjoys and cares about Kaycee, and that she’s tired of being on the block and it sucks.

Here she goes with the “you have me” again… ughhh..shuttup.

Kaycee says “on personal level i love her but gameplay i dont know her. big picture is im going for veto, then im going for her. its  strictly game.”

Haleigh and Sam are nominated. Sam frowns.

Haleigh smiles and nods knowing already it would happen.

Sam says she will tear every door off this bitch in this motherfucker and lose my mind and I swear on everything that’s holy they will regret it if I’m looking like a dumbass and this isn’t real (Damn girl sound like me right now! LOL)

 

Thanks for tuning in.

Big Brother 20 Episode Recap September 6th 2018

Tyler is playing Haleigh and Scottie.

JC asks Tyler about him and Angela.

He says 100% she ran from that bed to that couch.

Tyler calls him paranoid.

Tyler tells JC that it’s not a good idea AT ALL to put up Kaycee or Angela and he needs to stop.

Angela and Tyler are talking in bed about JC and Brett and Haleigh.

(They are very smart)

Tyler says can’t be taking shots at JC though, that’s not good for me either.

Tyler is going to have his plans backfire on him.

He cries about how he can’t keep her safe because he came for the money.

Derrick! I was just talking about him the other day. How he won Jury because no one knew he was so undercover.

Brett talks to Scottie to figure out Jury thoughts.

Scottie tells Brett how Rockstar hated her goodbye message from Angela.

Bayleigh also super pissed at Angela.

And Fessy.

Brett and JC talk about how it’s obvious Angela doesn’t think or care that people know her and Tyler are being sneaky together.

They say how she has 2 people in her pocket, and need to backdoor Angela.

Brett wants to feed JC’s paranoia so he doesn’t have to get blood on his hand.

Derrick says you can’t determine the winner yet. Jury Management is one of the most important things he says. He said if he was Tyler he’d bring Angela to Final 2.

Scottie just said something very inappropriate apparently cause it got blocked out and all guests are shocked.

 

Everyone votes out Scottie.

Scottie goes out again.

He thinks they don’t keep him because he’s unpredictable.

He said he tried so hard to be tame but it got him nowhere.

He says they’re not good at lying.

He says he prefers Haleigh over Tyler, but he probably would’ve went with Tyler to final 2 because of the numbers.

Kaycee got HOH. 🙂