Healing 101

Telling me to let the past go
when you’re the one still show casing you intimate with other people and touching them inappropriately in front of me and in photos.
But right that’s my just my insecurity though?
Complain about how there’s not enough of “us”
but when the oppurtunity arises you aren’t showing it off and you’re not showing up.
Why say I need to do more of x, y, and z
if when i make an effort you rather do anything else than be with just me?
You care so much about how you come off and treat others yet simultaneously use what I’ve told you against me to push my buttons.
Grab my arm, do me harm, sing a song, ask if I’ll forgive you now and we can get along?
Trauma Bond.
I tell you it’s wrong and you must want a fight,
here comes the gaslight.
“I didn’t do that, you must be crazy. Be careful what you do or they might lock you up in a penitentiary’
This isn’t love, and you don’t own me.
You didn’t realize what you had and you just thought I’d never leave.
I don’t care how long it takes you to grieve, get used to it because now all I’ll ever be to you is a distant memory.
When you hurt an angel
prepared to get mangled
by the demons in your hell.
Your actions and words put you here when you convinced me it was safe to trust you and when I went to fall you didn’t catch me, I just fell.
This pattern keeps repeating,
the voice that nags at me In my head causes my ears internal bleeding.
Like a broken record it does it over
and over.
I want it to end,
I want to get better.
I want to feel like I’m no longer in that world, where only bad things will happen for me and I’m always destined to be disappointed or to always fail.
I don’t know how I’m doing this but I’m trying to get my shit together and keep moving forward without thinking about running away or dying. The more i ramble to express what i feel, the less i feel confident about being understood or heard but I’m trying.
Consideration should be a two way sensation not about what one loyal person does for the other who cannot resist temptation.
What has come of this nation.
Fuck this jibber jabber I’m going to do some saging
before i start raging.
But back to the main point for a conclusion,
your inability to love or be loved, here’s the solution,
love yourself first so you can let others love you.
Be the change,
broaden your emotional range,
don’t care who thinks you’re strange.
Hurting others won’t heal you,
and then you will have karma coming back at you.
Don’t lie for the sake of not hurting someone’s feelings,
because at the end of the day, they don’t deserve to be crying on their beds staring up at their ceilings
wondering why no matter what they do you still don’t seem satisfied to be with them.
/mood

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Anxiety Queen

Looking at me and wink.

I don’t know what to think.

Are you trying to distract me?

Are you trying to deflect?

Are you trying to win me over?

Oh God.

What’s he want?

Why’s he putting on the front?

What’s the real reason he wants me here?

He looks at me.

…His eyes.

Could he ever look me in mine and tell me lies?

Time will tell, but till then I guess I’m left to wonder.

Oh well.

 

Soda Cranium

You want a “little bit of it.”
“Not too much, just a little hit.”
Don’t care what’s in store,
this moment is what you’re here for.
Sent her home for the night.
Didn’t want it to end up in a fight.
Didn’t tell her about it either, right.
Thought maybe a day later it might
have somehow not been a bigger issue.
This rodeo I’ve been to, I am not new.
What is it you wanna do?
I don’t like to assume.

2-25-2018

 

Out with the Old…in with the New.

It’s that time of year again! The time of year where we’re all lost and not quite sure what’s going to continue forward with us into the New Year, and what will stay behind. This year was pretty rough for most people, but I’m a bit optimistic for the circumstances I guess. I have continued to seek and find the silver lining when I looked for it, and with faith and hope I’ve been able to withstand and get through my tribulations.

I am reflecting alot and holding myself accountable to changes that are needed. I know it will upset alot of people currently in my life, and I’m okay with that. I now understand that there will be times I say or do things others might not agree with, and that’s alright. We are here to enjoy the Human Experience and to help those who we can when given the opportunity. I do not need to serve anyone who is out to harm me. I am putting myself first this year to come. It’s something I’ve never done before. Am I anxious about it? Well yes, I’m anxious about most things. It’s needed and I’m ready.

I ask you to consider the things you’ve done this past year, and see if there’s things not serving you that you could afford and benefit to let go of. I ask you to remember that things do get better, and just hold on. Cheer up, buttercup. 🙂

If you haven’t yet, make sure to follow my Twitter, Instagram, and Youtube! @BonafideBloom 🙂

Feel free to email if you need advice or a tarot reading.

11052017

It’s trying to get to me.
What good does letting it do?
The pay off is to sabotage,
to justify and enable my reasons, just a mirage.
down the broken path I know I don’t need to go down on again.
I’m not certain where I’m going currently though, and there’s something about nostalgia,
an addiction that can’t be left behind.
Constantly wanting to reminisce
it’s all you been doing ever since
that time you agreed to someone else’s doubt of your own choices in life
when you’ve known better all along.
Stop playing the world’s smallest violin song.
Get strong.
Make your day productive and long.
Achieving goals :: Elevating souls
Blah blah blah
who’s even reading anyways

 

11052017