Accepting the prelude

I forgive myself for everything up till now. Looking backwith an aerialview, i truly feel sad for the things i have lived through. I see that little girl and realize she was trying her best despite everything fucked up that happened and with her health and premature related issues. I see that preteen just trying to figure out her world let alone taking care of things a parent should’ve.

I see that angry and hurt teenager struggling between life taking care of others and death from her own doing to get away from it. I see that brave but naive young adult trying to make it on her own and trusting all the wrong peoplebecause of what she was familiar with.

I see that young lady from a few years ago who was putting everything she had in her to start a new life and not giving up when even that didn’t work. I see that jaded and numb woman I was just two years ago having it all coming to an acceptance but not quite letting it all go. I see now the whole picture clearly. My parents may have tried in their eyes but at the end of the day kids having kids without healing from their own messed up lives and then doing illegal activities putting themselves and their ever growing family they couldn’t handle or afford at risk.

I forgive it all and I’m letting it go. My back story is just the development that was needed to create the character I am now and will be the next couple of decades. I’m ready.

Channeled Spiritual Message – October 6 2019

The magic and the will comes from the God within. Always with you and always waiting to grant wishes. It takes your faith in it and your action to roll with the changes offered to you and you to change direction of your course when it’s off. The key to your freedom and to things working out lie within you. Do not doubt the life you came in with or the family or what your roots are. Do not wonder why things are “hard” or why they are the way they are. It’s for a reason, it’s something your God established before your life for you. The tests are how well you can take something painful and irritating and make it into something beautiful. Don’t let the world tame you. Be the free spirit you are. Avoid the dramatics in regards to it. You are who you are and that’s all there is to it. Walk away from the energies that make you feel lower than your peace state. Everything that’s led you up to your current point is for you and anything else that may or may not happen in the future is going to be for you. Have the faith it’s going to all work out.

Know that the truth comes out eventually and if you have been “wasting” your time it’s going to end up for a reason anyways along with learned lessons. You will feel justified if you know that you are doing right by yourself and trusting the universe to assist you in the process of reaching your goals. Stop arguing and walk away from anything that’s not benefiting or reciprocating you. Doesn’t matter who or what it is, but especially if it’s someone who hides who they truly are. Don’t worry, be happy, the bad things will leave and create space for better things later on. Sometimes things aren’t as bad as they seem in our head, and truly it’s just not right for us but we create reasons to put the blame on others rather than being honest about our own dissatisfaction with how things are. We want to be seen as good and we put our efforts in so we don’t want to give up, but sometimes things change or you realize new found desires. That doesn’t make you a bad person. Maybe you realize you’re better when on your own.

Either way it’s not wrong to speak your truth. You’re strong and capable despite what others may view you as, commit to yourself and your happiness for once in life. Do you and this is what’s going to quickly move things forward in the way you want. Confidence is key. Someone may try to sabotage your things, it’s up to you if you will let that sway you or not. It doesn’t matter what others think, as long as you know the truth that’s all that matters. Your work in regards to helping others is realistic and a fresh perspective for them. It’s okay if you don’t charge, that’s not why you’re doing it. On your journey you have found that seeking self satisfying things often just leads you to having to serve people more to keep up. You may have a conversation about how to deal with things at home in a relationship to make it better and healthier. You know if they don’t get the message it’s not up to you to make them understand it and implement it and you will be able to deal with it accordingly then. It’s not that you are up to good or bad simply tired of being disappointed, despite it maybe making you sad currently to do what you need to do about it. Doing a “favor” isn’t helping if they hold it over your head, threaten to take it away, and manipulate situations with that as collateral. Can they help you when you are low on money? Can they commit to you? Can they be loving in life and in death?

Maybe the person you are looking for is actually within you, and not someone else. Maybe the person you are to commit life long to is your God, who never leaves you hopeless. All choices and decisions reflect you and the God you serve. Past, present, future, you could always count on you and your higher self being there. Even when you had no where to go, you know you could go within and feel at peace. When you let go of what was you allow what can be. Be accepting, be trusting, be in balance of your emotions, and you have no worries. Make them work for your attention and energy. Make them be worth it. Stay high and don’t lower yourself. Make them raise to meet you. It’s not cold you just are done hiding your worth and value. You’re quickly moving away from people who can’t appreciate what you bring. You’re pretty picture perfect, so sometimes the only thing people can do to bring you down is project their tainted thoughts onto you. Stop caring. Stick to your guns. You don’t need anyone but yourself. Everything else is extra. If it’s not helping you it’s draining you. Walk from what’s not serving you. It’s okay to feel how you do, but find the meaning behind it all underneath the emotion. Grow from that lesson. Understand there’s a reason for it. Forget about needing to make sense of things. Just take what you can from it and let the rest go. Then let go even more. Then find a way to see it with compassion.

7.29.2019 – 3 – create the new you now

The new “you” you would like to be more gentle with others.

It’s not boring to take care of yourself and those closest to you. Your base beliefs may need evaluated.

Need to fulfill your own wishes and fix insecurities. need to make confidence a part of self. feeling bad about not having sex together, a friendship with someone needs to end. Let go of concerns about what others think. Stop holding onto old ways of living, being, behaving from others, they are holding you back. do not worry about if they are embarassed or angry, they are irrelevant. let it go. let them go.

Stop relying on others. Be strong and be selfless to your higher self (if you can’t claim being “selfish”)

You know how to be savvy and patient to get what you want, using all resources to your benefit in acquiring what you want.

Stop caring about what others think about how you go about your life and the way you get things you need and want. You are a person of good judgement and moral character, you do what you need to do to take care of yourself and those closest to you.

Don’t harm yourself to please others. You don’t have to be obedient to people who you know aren’t good to you or doing what they need to do in return for your efforts.

Trying to get out of negative cycles and transition into a different state to escape it.

The worst that can happen if found out doesn’t even matter, because those people are not going to get you where you need to be, YOU ARE.

Legacy Over Everything

How do I want to leave people feeling when they are done interacting with me or my essence?
Do I want them to feel the way others have made me felt?

I have been trying to make up for things I shouldn’t have had to apologize for, but for things they should’ve been making up to me.

I have repeatedly tried and been repeatedly rejected.

It’s protection.

It hurts to try more when I know it will not change.

I do not need to do this anymore.

I can focus my energy and thoughts on those who will appreciate it and use it.
Not those who don’t deserve me and never did.

It hurts because I know they will come back to try to use me,
it’s okay, because like they kept forgetting and rejecting me, I will tell them you had your chances, no more. Remember, you disowned me. You repeatedly shunned me. Therefore now that time is up for you to redeem yourself you have made your choice over and over and while I will spare you my wrath and show you grace and mercy I will not give you what you want.

I’ve been solo and I’ll stay that way if it means not settling for bullshit that’s less than what I deserve or hurting me. No it’s not others’ responsibility for my emotions but it is someone’s expectation when in a close relationship with me that if we are to be together and building anything towards a future goal you need to equally reciprocate and if you can’t or won’t I will not tolerate it I will move on.

11 years to apologize for who I was and the choices I made when I was not doing anything wrong. Just wrong to those who didn’t want me to have my own power.
Flipping the Script.

Thank you for treating me like shit. Thank you for hurting me, neglecting me, rejecting me, abusing me, pushing me away, and disowning me. Thank you for over and over showing me how I don’t need to be assosciated with people like you. Thank you for showing me what not to be like, and what to look out for. Thank you for making me a master at dealing with energies like you so I can help others. Thank you for letting me infiltrate your minds so I can learn what makes you tick and then start my operation of annihilating any traces of you and your diseased kind in this journey of mine in this world.

Thank you for showing me how much I can love, and how much of a good person I can be if I choose to. Thank you for teaching me how to have grace and patience, how to be stoic, how to block energy off. Thank you for underestimating me so I could prove you wrong.

Thanks for always letting me know how much I was not enough for you and how I never will be, now I am great at everything I do.

Thanks for always dismissing my concerns and worries, I now can tolerate so much if I need to. I’m very strong now.

Thanks for always reminding me when you speak of how far I’ve come along and how I was right for not letting you hold me back.


you said you hated my face

you said my food looked like shit,

but i could already tell from your personality if those things were true your mouth would’ve already quit.

days came to pass,

your moods always different.

some pleasant and sweet,

some short with sass,

never the less you were heaven – sent.

we related with alot, more than I could with most.

you wondered why I was so hard on you during work,

and afterwards more gentle and maternal, letting some things coast.

in you I saw a younger me,

back a bit ago when I started being a moody teen.

who was different and all my life verified that,

I usually felt alone, and like no one really had my back.

We shared contact info and I let you know

anytime your mom can’t be around and you don’t wanna be alone, Im a call or text away and with me is always somewhere you can call a second home.

need food? let’s eat

something dirty? come do some laundry.

want a ride home instead of a walk?

you never really accepted my offers, but you started to smile more around me, and hugs were now offered!

when you heard about my ex, you told me you’ll kill him,

when I quit my job and had to leave, there already was some grief.

I’m glad we kept in touch and grew our friendship more.

even after you found out about my past and job you still never called me a whore.

you were always there to talk with me, about the philosophical sides to this reality.

and how we are labeled as strange and abnormal, when we’re the ones aware of what’s surrounding “the Formal”

you’re not the first of one of my close friends to die, but it still hits me hard every time.

seems like some fucked up kind of joke, that the ones who can see the real me always disappear and go ghost.

but it is what it is,

I know you’re moving on and to you i toast,

Rayvon, you’re an incredible being, and your warm greeting and hug is one of the things I’m looking forward to the most.

till then I’ll send you good vibes when I see your signs, and make sure you’re there waiting for me when I catch up with you on the flipside!


Vivienne Westwood Fall/Winter 2019/2020 Show Message

Make your own things and stopping buying stuff you don’t need.

Spoon on left ear: there is no such thing as fatality death. Just “death”.

Nasa lying about what climate change is, they are telling you it’s public knowledge the ozone going down under Paris and will soon not be able to survive in.

All the info is in the cards(occult knowledge/tarot/metaphorically) which are laid out on the table.Everyone worried about the wrong things. Things are going to come up, and go down. Physically and metaphysically.

Soon the mark of the beast well be given to the new born children, who aren’t evolving organically but instead controlled by the AI in their skin.

Head wraps and full suits needed for the palest.

The more melanin the more you’ll shine.

You think you can handle the new world, Fool?

The arctic peace treaty is being compromised by Russia which will be the catalyst for the “invasion” and why we need “space force” which activates and starts “the game” laying the “first cards down”

Power can be achieved by invoking human emotions and then keeping plans in secret.

The world’s separated by those who don’t think and impulsively act or do as their told, and those who think and are intelligent and always willing to learn more and brainstorm to solve problems, like what to do to have a peaceful world. They talk about their plans on how to take over the world every month at their little book club meetings.

If you’re rich enough, gold leafed masks may be used to reflect or alchemize uvb rays for paler races.

Buy lies. We’re taught when we are young, be who you are, which isn’t what you are already as is, but what is seemingly unachievable unless a magical fairy granted your wish or you pay the right price. All the characters in stories are energies to be matched with yourself as a guide, who will you be?

Will you eat whatever is convenient, knowing it will turn you into a jackass of corporate consumption?

The elect are not honest with us Like they claim in stories and movies they allow though, they mix the truth with fiction to confuse and mislead the masses.

Art is the truth which is why it can’t be regulated.

If you continue to ignore what history has taught, and claim only in the moment counts, there is no future for you to obtain, this is the lie.

The world cares more about political correctness, feelings, and opinions rather than the truth and the facts and the logic. This is why they are blind to the truth.

It’s a lie that spending everything and ignorantly paying for something without questioning will make you rich. Obviously not true. You have to use discernment and discipline.

You’re buying crap you don’t need that’s worth shit to fund assholes who contribute nothing back to society and their communities.

Democracy is a lie pushing everyone to a one world order which only accelerates the elects’ further destruction of the current state of our world as we know it.

Things will happen to shake things up and make the playing field more fair and even.

Just because someone doesn’t admit they’re evil doesn’t make it so. It gets their dicks hard to Fuck you over like that and you just take it.

Stop lying to children about climate change being their responsibility. Tell the fucking truth.

We are meant to speak with our words otherwise we’re devolving back to lower animals.

The elect try to portray themselves as innocent behind the aprons of ignorance. Social media and the army of drones in the echo chamber silence any healthy and progressive conversation or discussion on what to do to solve problems in the world.

The new lies for consumption is “it’s okay to spend even more now because it will save the ‘planet’ so it’s good, You’re allowed.”

They want you to think going into this new contract will be profitable for you.

What was once classically loved and upheld will soon be kissed goodbye to something more out of the box and experimental.

We come in and out of portals time and time again here and there. We choose partners we will share this go around with, don’t make the same agreements as before, follow the leads of example, the ones with roles that make you feel noble when you do as them. Then you can make an agreement with yourself to do better again always, just like before.

Say what you mean to say boldly without embarrassment, especially when you’re driven to by a stronger force than you, it’s needed.

Shanann Watts Tarot Reading

Done with all respect for her, the children, and her friends and family.


This is what intuitively came to me through channeled messages and use of divination through prayer entry with God. I don’t know the accuracy of the messages, but I feel inclined to share.

“i want everyone to know i wasn’t happy but i did what i could. i was trying.
crying. why would you do this to me or our kids
really we hope they all learn a lesson about what family really means and what people try to make it seem. what marriage really is and what it just seemed like. i never thought he would do something like this. things have been bad but never this bad. the man who saved me and protected us turning on us is not what i imagined us doing together with our life and future.
why was she in our house. why couldnt you just keep her out. why couldnt you just leave if you were not happy. why couldnt you just be honest with me once. i knew something was wrong and i waitied too late. tell nicole that she will always be my best friend and my hero. i know she did her best and im proud of her for standing up to chris for us. im glad to all who knew i was not that wife and not that mother. look up more symbolism of the names and number and how he hurt us and buried us. these are clues to a bigger organization that conspired this and started it all. also thrive has no benefits and if i had been more concerned about working honestly instead of just making sales then maybe i would’ve not missed the signs that were warning me to stop and evaluate things in my relationship with him. I was just trying to get money incase he dipped on us cause I just knew something was wrong.

Don’t let anyone, even the person you love, stifle or smother your wants and needs of living a happily fulfilled life. If something tells you something is really wrong, do not ignore it. it was the death of me and my children. If someone is being distant with you and rejecting you, especially in bed, they are hiding something from you and it can be dentrimental. Make sure also your self worth is not lacking. It prevents you from falling for the wrong people and prevents them from being able to pull one over on you. Also if you are insecure or feel you don’t deserve something you will put off that energy and attract what you don’t want to you. Practice being unaffected by the negative energy around you. Your soul approves of you at all times, even if your human body doesn’t. Things can’t run smoothly or easier if you are doing them seperate of someone else in a partnership. Two heads are better than one. Road in a relationship means people meet half way. Not one always going to the other. Don’t let yourself get so down that others can easily take advantage of you. Some things are not meant to be held onto. Don’t trust people who don’t open up to you. ” – from who I believe to be Shanann herself.

Channeled Information:

Shanann was too confident and happy to lower herself to what Chris wanted from her. He was too immature to let her go and cheated with someone who was willing to do the things Shanann would not. Chris was anxious all the time and felt less of a man because she would not submit to him and his desires. He wanted her to abort or miscarry and get a divorce, but knew that she wouldn’t do it at the point he made the decision in his mind and he was worried about child support and alimony. Chris only acted as if Nickole had what he wanted in a relationship, the truth was he never wanted one and the same thing or something similiar would’ve happened to her when he was bored of her too. He has no remorse and no will to change his ways. It turns out his plan wasn’t as good as he thought. He let her go to North Carolina under the presumption that they would work it out in the end, but he was already celebrating and starting his new life without her, even spending money on someone else and taking money away from her and the children. He acted fine and content with his life but no one could have known how much of a manipulator he was. He seemed happy in his life and he did things when Shanann would get all up in her feelings and thought his storming out or anger would be justified because of her behavior. Then he would go cheat and she would not be able to say anything because they fought so that’s why he must have left the house. When Chris said he wanted a divorce, she said she would be moving and if he didn’t give her everything she wanted he couldn’t talk to them or see them. He thought he was in the right to take power into his own hands with the execution of the ending. She didn’t want to fight, she just wanted to go to sleep. She didn’t really want to divorce, she wanted things to slow down so they could figure it out. He didn’t want the drama, he wanted to just make himself happy. The truth was it was everything he wanted but he couldn’t get a grip on his feelings with Shanann. He felt he was not good enough of a man for her and his kids, a loser, a deviant controlling tyrant. He wanted to be fair, but lust got in the way and then when Nickole spoke of the success they would have once they were together enamored him. Being emotionally immature was his downfall, as Nickole was an even bigger manipulator than he was. He was burdened between having to hurt the family or lose Nickole. He didn’t want to make the decision so soon. Nickole got in his head about how Shanann is just trying to keep him stuck in life and will never truly fulfill him or give him what he wants long term. She made him choose between a happy new beginning with her or a long miserable marriage without her on the side. He was anxious over the issue. He was not happy with how insecure Nickole was acting by putting him in this position, but he really liked the things she did for him in bed and was not willing to give it up. He wished that he said it sooner that he lost feelings for Shanann before it got to this point but now that the threat was on the table he couldn’t be strong enough to face Shanann and deal with the financial sacrifices it would take to make it all work out the right way. He never saw himself able to get out of the debt they already were in, so it didn’t matter anyways to him at that point.

You can’t give someone else the power over how you see yourself, feel yourself, or your prosperity, peace, and abundance. If you are not in control of your emotions and things don’t seem fair, ask yourself is this too much of a burden on you? Are your feelings and efforts being reciprocated? Are you happy and feel like you’re winning in life, or do you feel like it’s a failure and a drain? Ask God to deliver you from this energy and to make things how they ought to be. Be happy on your own, don’t be codependent on someone else and expect them to be your rock and savior. You will be disappointed. Do what makes you happy, if that doesn’t make someone else happy tell them they need to come correct or you need to move on. If you pull back and see that you feel better off without them, then you know that it’s not right for you. If it hurts you more than it makes you happy, it’s not right for you. If you’re committed to yourself you will do the things it takes to make yourself be in a positive mindset and place and you will not let someone stand inbetween you and your life’s works. Make the decision that times where someone rude tells you what to do is over. You don’t need anything from them, cause everything you need you can get yourself. Put yourself first, do not be a doormat. Not for a family member, a friend, a partner, or a company.

Lesson-key 1 “The Magic Path of Intuition”

Some key points from the book mixed with commentary of my own to create a complete lesson for you.

The Magic Path of Intuition

Prayer is calling God, and intuition is God calling you. When you are free of unrepented sins and resentment and you make a request per prayer and then immediately act as if it is already so. At night tell yourself in the morning you will know just what to do. Which cup will you fill daily with your energy: Hope, ideas, and love? Or fear, misery, and worries? Pains and ailments can be stress physically manifesting in your life. Ask for forgiveness and a chance to react more positively. Mind matters, mentality manifests.

Golden Rule of the Boomerang – Treat others how you want to be treated because it will come back to you. Knowledge is power and with power comes responsibility. With the long road of experience to come, learn the lesson quickly by detaching so you can spiritually evolve and move forward quicker. The more mental processing you do the slower the progress will be. Forgive everyone and everything to neutralize it all. Be the alchemist. Transform. Pray for all as they if they are yourself. Gratitude – increase. Complaint – decrease. If one door closes another always opens, trust in God to always supply you with what you need. Buy with future intentions within moderation. Give away what makes you feel bad or don’t need or use anymore. If you don’t appreciate God’s blessings as they are at face value, and instead worry you will lose it, surely you will. Trust that what’s meant for you will be yours. Do not say what you do not want. Words are not empty, null, or void. Arkashic Records are eternal. They justify or condemn you. Count your blessings, mind your manners, careful of your words. Faith bears fruit. What your mind can see and believe it can achieve. Nothing is too good to be true.

Be mindful of the contents you consume. Magic is real, all you have to do is have faith and trust. The more you pity yourself the more things will go wrong for you. By denying yourself of things your intuition wants you are hurting your flow of abundance. When you feel bad energetically change your vibration. Start moving or get new environment around to change your frequency. I live on God’s time. I go with the flow trusting it will benefit me the best. Faith is simply knowing God can do it.

11:1 – Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Your experiences are your own creations. Your intentions behind words and actions create your reality. Do everything with good motive and don’t worry about the bad people, God has your back. Little beginnings have big endings. Organization and cleanliness is good for Feng Shui, hoarding is not. Anything that happens with you in a situation you win. Don’t rush things and they will come sooner. Offer to God your glory and trust what comes is for you, whatever it may be. (You could be really surprised)

Learn to say, “I should’ve been angry/upset but I wasn’t.” The most expensive thing you can do is ignore a hunch. If you give negativity attention those demons/aliens will camp out in your brain. When things aren’t working, give it a break then let it resolve itself. Don’t resist and resent, unless you want to deal with regulations. Stop worrying about time and meeting expectations. Speak the word, follow your instincts. Dig your ditches. All things say the same, let God do it.

Trusting God needs to be a habit. Let spirit fuel you. Blessed by God the ground you walk on is holy and all you desire becomes so. Sometimes you learn things later because God’s time has a bigger purpose than what it would be on your own time. You are who you are now only because of where you were before. Like a power switch, you need to turn it on to access it’s energy. Prayer is turning on God’s grace and abundance. Desires are your necessaries for your path. Give things to God’s influence and watch it happen.

Don’t ask for your desires but ask for God’s desires for you since God knows best, and will not give you something that will hurt you or that you will regret.

Frosty Moon Weekend Intuitive Guidance Message 11-22-2018

This is a message for the collective.

Someone wants to move forward but waiting on immaturity and pettiness to pass. The negative mindset that things won’t work out is your choice. Nothing bad is going to happen unless you create it. Get out of your own way to get the happiness you deserve, because everything you want is right infront of you. Letting the opinion of others deter you from your heart’s desires is no one’s fault but your own. The same shit happens because you keep doing the same thing and expecting something different. Move away from anything that’s killing or holding your soul back from getting what you want. Your happiness is on the otherside of your fear. Think about all the things  you wanted to do in the past and couldn’t. If you looked around you’d see the oppurtunities available to you. It’s up to you. Someone is unwilling to offer you more if you keep threatening to leave or coming off dissatisfied. Just because things aren’t going at your pace doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be in control of your emotions. If you’re not being fair or mature about certain things why would you expect someone to give more to you? You may feel it’s not fair that they’re holding back on you but if you were confident in yourself you wouldn’t let that bother you and it wouldn’t matter. Your issues from the past are over now and you deserve  happiness. Be honest with yourself and end anything that doesn’t feel right. Things might not go as you’d originally hoped with money but it will pick up. It’s okay to accept feeling lighter and happier. Stop viewing things as baggage and look at things as a lesson. Have you not yet been delivered from your suffering? Perhaps not completely but keep investing in yourself and your hobbies and it will improve. You don’t see how your armor and protection have been slowing you down and blocking yourself. You’re not able to clearly see things or respond accordingly. Whatever negative bond is attached to you, you need to look within, forgive yourself, and stop doing the sabotaging to your own happiness. The devil wants you to feel stuck. Stop offering your valuable resources to things or people that make you feel imbalanced. If you want to be happy stop paying attention to what the toxic people in your past said and did. Instead of victimizing yourself seize the opportunity being offered. Let go of your fears and be proactive with all that energy. Don’t give up your power over your life and passions just to feel a little bit of contentment with money at the risk of you feeling sad in your soul. Doing the right thing isn’t always easy or for the mentally weak. Take a chance, tell the truth about how you’re going for something different and things will come to you that you have given up on or about to give up on. You’ll be happy you had stood your ground. God doesn’t give up on you when you don’t give up on God.  Someone wants to be happy and loyal to you but doesn’t want to fight. If you want a happy home stop fighting and just be happy and celebrate that you ended up getting what you wanted up till this point. From here on out It’s nothing but up, if you use your power of changing your perception when it starts getting negative. 



look what you’ve done to me
constantly believing
that this is my reality

ain’t no game
i’m in a lot of pain
i cant shut up my brain
and i think i’ve already went insane


this isn’t what you want
Im not who you think
i am
some broken woman
jaded and confused
lost in this 3d world
wondering what’s left to lose

there’s nothing left to see
what do you want from me?
there’s nothing here for you
but yes i love you too

Mid-November 2018 Guidance Message

This is a collective intuitive channeled message and tarot energy reading. Take what resonates for you and apply as it fits in your life. 


You’re attached to being codependent to an arrogant lying asshole who tries to control your life. You can come out of that as soon as you decide you’re done limiting yourself. Be fair. If someone can’t afford to do something don’t ask them to anyways just to appease you. If one person is doing better than the other you don’t need to hide it from the other but you don’t need to gloat about it either. Someone is trying to be there for you but you’re turning it down to offer your energy to feeling brokenhearted. Get a grip. Turn to creating something or getting spiritual to deal with your stress. You  need to be in control of your own life if you don’t want to be mind fucked. Stop mourning things that can’t be changed. You can do better. If you’re trying to have a new beginning, don’t let some sleazeball come in and try to screw that up for you. You’re the one who’s keeping you stuck. Be still. Detach. What would you want to do with your life if you had no worries? Ah, there it is. You don’t even believe that would ever be possible. You can be happy though and you know what it starts with? It starts with you. You divorcing the lies you’ve told yourself and others and marrying the truth…everything you’ve gone through, done, given, every heart break and loss, they have been the moments that formed and made you into who you are as a person today. You have a big block in relationships due to the fact you take others’ words and actions as a personal reflection of you when it’s actually a reflection of them. You need to know that not feeling enough, the feeling of being stuck, the drama, feeling hopeless, deserving of an unhappy home, it’s all motivated by the devil. You have to be fair and good to yourself and protect yourself from that kind of energy. Be committed to a new good vibe beginning, only dealing with things and people that allow you to grow and be in your zone. Your peace isn’t worth compromising for someone else’s entertainment or lack of dealing with their own problems.

First Week of November 2018 Guidance Message

This is a collective intuitive channeled message and tarot energy reading. Take what resonates for you and apply as it fits in your life. 


You go through the hard times so you can appreciate them when they’re good. You struggle so later you’re better prepared when it really matters for you or for someone else you come across. Speaking of someone else, you can learn lessons from them if you can hear them out about their experiences rather than you having to go through it yourself first. Everything happens for a reason. It’s not about where you been or where you are but where you’re going. Look back then till now, see how far you’ve come? Now imagine the changes that are before you if you act now. If things haven’t changed much, then this is your wake up call too. It’s your perception how you take things. Think about alternative ways to respond to people rather than react. This will be a good first step into seeing changes you would prefer. When you’re getting close to giving up hope, or when things finally work out for you, lean on your faith and thank the lord for what you have been blessed with. An awareness to how your primal energy is being used may be needed at this time. Refrain from excessive pleasure of the body to strengthen the spirituality in you. Use that energy to progress yourself forward. If anything is of superficial nature or a substitution for a real thing, that will drain you. You need a beneficial reciprocation in anything for it to be a good and healthy bond. If not, you are depleting and cheating yourself and your partner if you have one of good life force that can be used to create progression in your life. There are more productive things to use that energy for, like manifesting what you want in your life. “Once a ________ always a ________” statements like this aren’t true. People can change for the better. Yes, even yourself. Commitment is here if you’d just stop trying to relive the past over and over long enough to see that they’ve been there waiting for you. You’ll get news of an unfortunate event but will be compensated for it. This has been a long time coming. Even if it doesn’t feel right be sure to stay where you’re at for this time. This will bring in the new offer if you’re silent and still there. It’s not that you want to go, but you are tired of feeling mistreatment and misunderstood. You deserve more and expect more and the truth is you can have whatever you want so why should you put up with it? You’re getting over the fact that they seem unhappy with you no matter what you do and you’re over it because you can get that anywhere. Do not join in the negative mindset. It’s a sad story but your life has been hard enough without all this in it. Those times in your life are over. Now it’s about doing things right. Committing to yourself and your faith remembering you will always be protected and the blessing is waiting for you to let go of what isn’t good for you so it can be gifted to you. If something upsetting from the past returns handle it with a wiser stand point than before. You have everything on your side waiting for you to allow yourself to move forward in your life. You know internally what to do in those moments of peace and silence. Listen.

Healing 101

Telling me to let the past go
when you’re the one still show casing you intimate with other people and touching them inappropriately in front of me and in photos.
But right that’s my just my insecurity though?
Complain about how there’s not enough of “us”
but when the oppurtunity arises you aren’t showing it off and you’re not showing up.
Why say I need to do more of x, y, and z
if when i make an effort you rather do anything else than be with just me?
You care so much about how you come off and treat others yet simultaneously use what I’ve told you against me to push my buttons.
Grab my arm, do me harm, sing a song, ask if I’ll forgive you now and we can get along?
Trauma Bond.
I tell you it’s wrong and you must want a fight,
here comes the gaslight.
“I didn’t do that, you must be crazy. Be careful what you do or they might lock you up in a penitentiary’
This isn’t love, and you don’t own me.
You didn’t realize what you had and you just thought I’d never leave.
I don’t care how long it takes you to grieve, get used to it because now all I’ll ever be to you is a distant memory.
When you hurt an angel
prepared to get mangled
by the demons in your hell.
Your actions and words put you here when you convinced me it was safe to trust you and when I went to fall you didn’t catch me, I just fell.
This pattern keeps repeating,
the voice that nags at me In my head causes my ears internal bleeding.
Like a broken record it does it over
and over.
I want it to end,
I want to get better.
I want to feel like I’m no longer in that world, where only bad things will happen for me and I’m always destined to be disappointed or to always fail.
I don’t know how I’m doing this but I’m trying to get my shit together and keep moving forward without thinking about running away or dying. The more i ramble to express what i feel, the less i feel confident about being understood or heard but I’m trying.
Consideration should be a two way sensation not about what one loyal person does for the other who cannot resist temptation.
What has come of this nation.
Fuck this jibber jabber I’m going to do some saging
before i start raging.
But back to the main point for a conclusion,
your inability to love or be loved, here’s the solution,
love yourself first so you can let others love you.
Be the change,
broaden your emotional range,
don’t care who thinks you’re strange.
Hurting others won’t heal you,
and then you will have karma coming back at you.
Don’t lie for the sake of not hurting someone’s feelings,
because at the end of the day, they don’t deserve to be crying on their beds staring up at their ceilings
wondering why no matter what they do you still don’t seem satisfied to be with them.

End of October 2018 Tarotscope

Take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. You have a full natal chart, and energies can be switched. Apply it how it fits for you. This is a general, not personal reading. 



Wean yourself if it’s too much at first. Let go of being upset that someone else took care of them self better than you could. The only thing to worry about now is healing yourself. The rest will follow after seeing you’re serious. It’s okay to be happier on your own. No one would blame you. But if you wanted to try again a tip is knowing this person just needs to hear that they weren’t a burden on you. You know you can’t offer them anything legitimate unless you’ve taken care of yourself first. You have to give this person time to grieve the fact that you’ve been selfish. There’s no new drama, they just are keeping their boundaries firm and keeping to themselves.



Have you imagined the loss of your closest person? The reason they think that they’re a burden is because their parents weren’t there like they should’ve been and they feel like there must be something wrong with them. So just express to them how they’re not too much for you. Keeping yourself balanced helps with ignoring external proposals that you don’t want. You have come too far to do some dumb selfish shit. You see how far they’ve come too, and don’t want them to have to start over either. You know they’re who you want you just want to be able to start your new slate clean and fresh. You can have what you want but you just need to be good with this one person or let them go. They were there when no one else was, and you still want them after you’ve gotten more success. Even when things aren’t great they find a way to make it good for you. Make sure to be grateful and caring in return and not abuse your power in the situation over them.



Before someone can be a life guard they are required to meet certain standards and be certified in emergency protocols. Also how can you save anyone if you aren’t saving yourself first? Stop being controlling hoping it’ll help you not lose things. If it’s meant to be out of your life it will be replaced with something else. The inability to accept love is emotional immaturity due to someone else saying you weren’t enough and others are better than you. You are choosing to give that person your own power when you agree to the idea of them finding someone better than you. Get to the point where if someone threatens to leave or say you deserve something less than your worth you won’t hesitate to call their bluff and walk away. It’s not that you don’t love them, it’s that you deserve to be happy and respected, end of story. You might have issues to no fault of your own, and happy or not, it’s only fair you give yourself a break to get back on your feet when you need it. Always working away because someone told you you had to doesn’t mean it’s the Law. You’re the boss of your own life. Not anybody else. If something makes you happy and feel full of purpose the money doesn’t need to be a concern it will follow with time. Quit giving time to things that aren’t good for you and start going after what it is you want to accomplish while you’re here.



Anyone can be a magician or an evil sorcerer. Just depends how much dedication you apply to your studying and your practice. Also the mindset you choose to carry with your set of skills plays a part in your delivery and reception to your show. Don’t compare yourself to others you find naturally more talented at something than you either because attendance and effort reward eternally with experience. Some naturally with it will never appreciate their gift or be willing to share it with others. You do you. You are the one who needs to tame your emotional beast. No one else can do that for you. You can’t be manipulated by others if you’re “manipulating” yourself already. Anything that makes it harder on your emotions you need to deal with it. Others may be warning your partner to find someone else because of your emotional bullshit. Faith and working on your crafts and skills will bring you out of your anxiety and stress while benefiting you vs. the crap you know won’t. If unfortunately someone from your past who treated you like there was something out there better for them than you comes around don’t give it a second chance. You are over the drama and want to focus on yourself, not them. You don’t need dishonest, unbalanced, manipulative people in your life anymore. That also means you gotta stop your own mind games you play yourself too, right? Cause you ain’t a hypocrite.



Say what it is you want said to you. Teal. Communication with the point to reach calmness and clarity. Lavender. Sometimes you have to wait to find how long “forever” will last with something. This waiting time is sacred and precious. It’s time you can better yourself with in preparation for the next stage. How you choose to use it is yours, but in this lifetime it’s time you will never get back. Use it with wise discretion. Dried Rose. You desire to keep the classic idea of romance, love, and beauty as your foundation to all things in your life you build upon. You also encourage and influence others to do the same in their own life. You could have the happiness you want if you focus on what you can do that’s good for you and not waste your time on things that are not. The choice is yours whether to keep things going or not. There’s no better time than now and your emotions are the only thing in your way.

Mid October 2018 Tarotscope

Take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. You have a full natal chart, and energies can be switched. Apply it how it fits for you. This is a general, not personal reading. 




You will get what you desire but first you must lay down the chasing of people who serve no purpose other than being a warm body to you. Focus on your dreams and don’t worry about the money because whatever you want from your heart you will get. You were investing in a commitment and the tables have turned and now you do whatever you shall please. Don’t expect them to stay though. Wait… you thought you could have your cake and eat everything else too? No. You can only have yours. Not keep yours and nibble here and there on other things. You know that’s not right. Be honest about the lack of morality that mindset is. You wanted things to go this way and were going to be happy about it before so really sit there and think about what it is you even want. Realize already you’re not balanced enough to know. Focus on the positive things in life. People walked out on you because of your treatment towards them and behavior. It’s not fair and they don’t deserve it. You know that’s not how you treat someone you love. If you want someone else, be honest about it. If you can’t then they need to be let go.



Drinking and drugs never help emotions. If you’re tired of feeling stuck do other things to feel good that aren’t drinking. You should give it a shot and try really hard at recovering from that before you decide to just throw a relationship with someone away. If you’re cheating on them or cheating them out of something that they need then that’s not fair. Fix what feels wrong, right your wrongs, and only do wrongs now when it comes to the things that make you feel trapped. Do what makes you happy and stop giving it to things and people that don’t. With power comes great responsibility. Don’t do it if you can’t submit yourself to the judgement when you’re out of line. Only committing to what’s right will fix the past. Slow down with drama if you want more success. Come out of the victim role. You know what’s manipulating you. You know that ruins your esteem. Get it under control.



This person views your retrieval of efforts as you giving it to somebody else. They think you want to go have fun with other people while you want them to “work on them self”. Your inability to be stable is putting this relationship on a halt. You think vices are more important than something you’ve always wanted? They aren’t going to keep being there for you if you keep adding to their burdens. Invest in a new beginning where you are independent but not unfair and secretive about things. All that contributes to the situation is chaos. You don’t feel good about something because of things that you or someone else did wrong in the past and how others reacted to it. They don’t live your life and they don’t know what it’s like for you. They can’t tell you anything you don’t already know before. Keep to yourself and what feels good to you and you’ll see the good that returns for doing that.



Don’t sabotage yourself. If you’re feeling victimized you can neutralize it. Pull back and regroup yourself when you feel unstable. Give yourself happiness to get you back to your advantage point. You’re turning down offers that don’t feel good to you even if you can’t decide if that’s the best decision or not. Things are going good but feel stagnant because you still haven’t found ways to keep yourself happy on a consistent basis. Step 1, walk away from drama. Focus on your crafts. Offer your time and effort to yourself if they’re telling you they can’t be there for you like they said they could. They want to use their money on vices. Their lying ins’t going to keep getting slid past you. You want to feel good about the situation and like you can trust them, not like you can’t. They’re going to come out and say how they feel about this. No more efforts to what feels bad to you now. Be happy being independent. Don’t listen to others when it comes to your own creations. Everyone loves someone who doesn’t give up on them self. If they don’t love you for that, they’re a dream crusher, and they gotta go.

Second Week October 2018 Tarotscope

Take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. You have a full natal chart, and energies can be switched. Apply it how it fits for you. This is a general, not personal reading. 



It’s apparent you know the negative things and people that you need to let go of so you can focus on your money and healing. No more new beginnings till you’re feeling ready. Do you feel lighter after letting it go? You’re being guarded towards the person who called you out. Don’t try to apologize, they will not believe you. They think you’re a liar and they feel better off without you. You cut yourself off and feeling victimized now when they just don’t want to put up with your shit. You feel stuck and like you’ve had a shitty time because of your own actions. It is your responsibility to get yourself the help you need. It’s not working, never has, and isn’t fair to those who care about you, isn’t fair to yourself, and can’t keep going on like this. You think you’re fine and not the problem. Go ahead and wait for them to make a move, you won’t get far. They feel unburdened now by letting you go. Buh-bye. To get rid of the anxiety you feel now is take control of what you actually can and work more on yourself and your own finances. Get help with your illness and/or addictions. It’s the only way to get what you want.




They’re happy with you but they have disorders/ailments that require you to be extra careful with them and you need to stay away from toxic and secretive situations. Stop always trying to pick fights with the people you say you care about. They will walk away if you can’t show some commitment. You are caring about theme even though they might’ve hurt you making you feel like they weren’t trying as much as they could’ve to help a situation. If you make threats be prepared for them to call your bluff. They can be on their own. Someone did or said something fucked up and the other is willing to give it another chance but if time goes too long without the offender extending the olive branch then they’ll start to walk away. If the offender wants the other person confident and happy like they claim then they need to act like they mean it because the other person feels mind fucked. If they’re what you want, why are you waiting? Tomorrow isn’t promised. You will be surprised what’s on the other side of your fear if you speak up about your thoughts and emotions.



You don’t feel confident because you’re arrogantly being paranoid of everything and that’s because the role of being the over dramatic one to get noticed is slowly becoming no longer useful. That personality was learned and needed for the trauma you were in at the time but it’s served it’s purpose and time to retire it. It’s time to celebrate life now. You’ve been holding onto your pennies and people think you are holding back but you know the truth of it is you’ve been focusing more on the relationship than anything else and it was needed to go through all the internal work to get rid of some of the crippling anxiety you were experiencing. Now that you’ve shed that layer you can start brand new. Success starts with acknowledging the ways you’ve already won. Someone wants to believe it but just can’t right now. They’re struggling to stay balanced. Step 1: Don’t do things you know will fuck with your emotions. Step 2: Don’t do things you know will upset your Home. It won’t stay hidden, it won’t work out, they don’t deserve it. If you want it anyways that’s sad news for you because by giving into temptations you are missing the blessing in front of you. Stop being arrogant. Stop feeling so guarded with your feelings. Stop doing things that don’t make you feel good.



You’re done feeling sad and stuck because of the people who didn’t want happiness with you before. You’ve decided the truth is you’re awesome and it’s time to enjoy life already. Anxiety will end when you stop making efforts and offers to what ins’t making you feel the best you. You let them know that you just don’t see anything good coming of it. They were too arrogant and the drama they caused is unneeded in your life. You struggle to walk away from things you know are bad for you because of the investments you’ve already put into it but if they can’t treat you correctly you’re halting movement forward. Things won’t continue until you feel stable, victorious, and you see they make the room for you to fit on front display in their life. Money and material possessions mean nothing to you if you’re not also being offered emotion behind it. Codependency and addictions are preventing you from moving forward so offer time and effort to other things that make you feel good and happy. Trying to control other people so you can be happy has never worked. Take a chance on yourself and do what’s fair for you, or stay emotional and stuck. Someone is fighting the truth about the spiritual lesson and blessing within this union. They were being closed off but quickly going to come in with an offer of commitment. They’re happy and know that it’s just fear telling them you wonder about being with others. If you’re settling or not getting what you want have the strength to stand up for yourself and say “I’m amazing and I can do this with or without you, the unstable unhappy home scene is over and done.” We’re coming out of that. Pull back and see how they react to you doing that. That’ll tell you what they’re really all about. Even if you have “nothing left” it’s not worth it to stay where you don’t feel genuinely cared about.

Tarotscope All Elements Last Weekend of September 2018

Take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. You have a full natal chart, and energies can be vice versa for crossreaders.



Don’t message anyone if you’re going to be a hypocrite about things. They feel fine without that and they are good on their own because the truth is they didn’t see it going very far with how unhappy you were anyways. The truth is the way you went about leaving a situation someone thought it was bullshit then found out they were right to think that. You wanted this new beginning and this person had the strength you didn’t to get things going. Go do what you want now and be happy without having to live your life as a lie.



Do you know what you want? If you don’t start noticing what’s been built for you and what’s growing with you they can be on their own believe it or not. If you want them you wouldn’t let them feel like you rather be elsewhere. When the negative vibes leave you will start to feel better. If you’re happier on your own then go be on your own. Not two,three,four-timing someone who is loyal to you. Things will get better when there aren’t so many people around who like drama. If they’re happy with that shit that’s fine but they have to take it somewhere else. They are trying to work their emotions or you are before they make a move and offer more. The worst thing they do is self sabotage, sometimes shitty people deserve a taste of their own medicine. Especially when they hurt others with their lies. Don’t be the liar.




You’re good on your own so if you know that, why are you not doing what’s responsible and honorable of you to do? You won’t be able to have long lasting calmness in your mind if you keep putting things off that you know are needing to be resolved and concluded. You can see that there was nothing you could do but find happiness on your own. Now you’re doing your own thing and making commitments to yourself. When you stop being greedy and hiding and do what you need to then things will improve for you in your life and your status in the community. You felt emotional before in response to the new opportunity but now see the success in the transition after things’ve calmed down and you’ve had time to reflect. By chance you’ll find out that not everyone wanted you to go but if things were going to stabilize the first thing was to let go of what was no longer aligning anymore. They weren’t cruel but you caused some rift in the situation and they quickly chose their well being over yours. Offering anything at this point is a drain for them that just makes them anxious, and they rather not be around that anymore. They had righteous power behind them to out the truth against dishonesty. That’s why what happened happened, that’s why you now feel relief, this is why you need to let it go and move on. Don’t offer more to what’s hurt you. Follow what you want for yourself now.




It’s rough when you let go of what you once held dear or obligatory to your heart. You have more productive things to put your energy and focus on that will benefit you and bring you to yourself. You decided people will need to meet you 80% of the way with them being content and happy with them self before you consider any attention or effort is put into them from now on. You’re making things way tougher on yourself than you need to. What is meant for you will come naturally without restriction or hesitation. Your mind is jumbled currently. World upside down. Be happy and indulge in your arts and spirituality right now. Take care of the person most important in your life, you. You’re moving on slowly after realizing the truth about how there’s no commitment to you in this. Now you have no excuse to not work on your projects, and you can heal so you don’t get codependent again. You think they may or may not have other options but does it even matter? You don’t trust it, you don’t feel good about it, so take this new chapter as one where it starts off you secluding yourself and figuring things out. People won’t defend you if you act out or make them feel like they’re wasting their time and efforts on you. Someone may pretend to want to offer you something again but it’s only because they feel shitty so to make themselves feel better here they are back again to fuck with your head. The right people will offer you loyalty, love, and the world. Will support you and be there good and bad times. Be on your pursuit of happiness. Share your stories and wisdom. Good luck is on your way. Don’t let a manipulator push your buttons, distract you, and ruin your opportunities. Stay focused, and keep to yourself. Get your emotions in check. Get yourself together. Deceptive people are negative energies and you can’t be a part of it if you’re trying to evolve and grow. Use creative outlets and chances to experience and learn new things as a way to forget about the betrayals and pains. Stability, money, and finding a happy place to call home will follow you when you use Law of Attraction to realize you’re already abundant and good enough just the way you are. Committing to success is the first step to doing something about making your own dream come true. Don’t talk about it, just do the damn thing.




Big Brother 20 Finale Recap

Endurance comp is first part looks brutal.

JC dropped first. Now it’s Kaycee and Tyler against eachother.

Kaycee fell and Tyler lasted the longest.

Tyler mentions how he had a “Goals : Win Big Brother” at his home.

Kaycee is annoyed he didn’t drop first.


Kaycee vs JC

it’s mental comp.

She couldn’t remember Sam because she figured Sam was still hiding out in the have not room doing arts and crafts.


kaycee 18:55 ….

JC 19:34



now Kaycee is going to go against Tyler.

Dr.Will’s oxy lovin ass lookin old af

Brett thinks it’ll be JC coming in. Others think Angela will be joining jury.

They say Tyler will be nice but won’t be him.

Angela says “JC that little shit put me up”

Angela talks about Level 6 to the jury members.

Everyone raises their hands for being there thanks to Level 6. Angela says Kaycee rode Tyler’s coattails.

Haleigh says Kaycee won all these vetos and did nothing.

Fessy says but that got her here.

Angela says it should be the person who made the moves.

Bayleigh says “is that because youre in a showmance with him?”

Angela says “no she made the safest moves”

Haleigh says it did no good for her to use them so why do it?

Bayleigh says maybe Kaycee’s big move was stringing Angela along and then kick her out last.

Sam says you were lulled into a sense of security.

Rockstar says Kaycee floated.

Rockstar thinks JC ran things and planted alot of seeds.

Sam agrees.

Scottie says he got my teammate to vote me out.

Fessy says JC played me.

Bayleigh says Tyler might have left a sour taste but good game is good game.


This winter there will be a celebrity big brother.

Third part is a true or false.

Theyre at a tie at question 4

another tie.

another tie.

another tie.

another tie.

another tie. they both missed this one.

going to boards.

seconds math question…ugh


final HOH!!!

JC tells her i love you i appreciate what you did that means alot thanks for not blindsiding me. if you take me with you its mostly you winning. if you take him with you i already know you want to, you might win mmore with me.

Tyler says to bboth of you i love you , JC I know youre heartbroken i am too. But day1 me and Kaycee me and you final 2. Kaycee you done so well im so proud of you.

Kaycee is guarenteed atleast 2nd place, so she’s taking with her to final 2

this is crappy i love you both jc you been a huge team player i cant imagine being top 3 with anyone else. im sorry but i have to evict you.

She takes Tyler with her! It’s Kaycee and Tyler final 2!!

JC says i love you guys and runs out with so much enthusiasm.

Kaycee and Tyler hug and cry.


Julie to JC “So close”

He said I played it dirty , but I went loyal and that’s what screwed me.

Julie wonders if that was a mistake for Kaycee.

JC says I drank too much coffee let me calm down first.

Loyalty over Everything he says.

Sam dyed her hair dark.

the talk about they’re both super fans and how they had good game different ways.

Kaycee mentions that this little peanut would love your vote because im totally nuts about this game didnt make promises i couldnt keep

Tyler says he knew he’d be a threat and his super fandom was key to making it through. wanted people to think he was confused. He talks about being more than just play mate with Angela. Lol

Jury votes.

Rockstar says they’re both winners to her.

Haleigh says she didnt vote till she heard their speeches.

Brett says even though he’s not there he’s proud it’s 2 level 6 members.

Angela says the seperation anxiety is unreal and the decision was not easy.

JC says “Quality over quantity”

Tyler says he hopes he has ALOT Of time with her.

She says she doesn’t know what the future holds but she’s excited for the next chapter.

Fessy and Haleigh “whats the status?” “its the real deal” he said. she says it is indeed.

Swaggy says remember when you said I need to take charge remember that?

Remember when you said you love me?

Swaggy proposes to Bayleigh on stage…

He says in front of every girl I don’t want anyone else but you. Will you marry me?

She says yes.

JC voted Tyler

Angela voted Tyler

Sam voted Kaycee

Brett voted Tyler

Haleigh voted Tyler

Scottie voted Kaycee

Fessy voted Kaycee

Rockstar voted Kaycee

Bayleigh is decider Kaycee!!!



Kaycee cries as she comes out on stage with Tyler. WE DID IT WE DID IT

America’s Favorite Houseguest is coming up.

Bayleigh and Rockstar look uncomfortable with Swaggy js.

Tyler wins America’s Favorite houseguest.

He said I thought America hated me.

he cries

Kaycee says I’m gonna help out all of my family here and the phillipeans

Julie says everyone said this is the best season according to everyone.

there will be one next year so sign up if you want it

this was great thanks for everyone who tuned into the journey with us


Full Moon Tarotscope All Elements September 26, 2018

Take what resonates for you. 





You won’t feel confident within yourself till you can master your emotions and anger. You think committing isn’t worth the investment and that you’re going to be alot happier moving from this relationship to being independent. Just because it “didn’t work out” is no reason to do something stupid. Especially when this is what you actually wanted. You know it’s better judgement to not offer anything anymore and just walk away. Take what you have and go after what you’ve always wanted. That will stop your troubles. You really care about the new instead of the old burdens. You’re blocking them out. God saw what you wanted and saw you thought you didn’t have the power yourself to end it and move away on your own. You know you felt stuck in an unfair relationship, and now it’s over. You want to go where the wind blows, not to feel stuck. Go be happy and get control of yourself again.




You’re not so anxious when you’re living in your truth about how you wanted more of something. Doing things out of spite gets you nowhere. You like feeling like you can control others and their feelings but you need to be better than that and move away from it. Care what others will think and say and you will suffer. Walk away to find your happiness elsewhere and get the success. You saw a commitment to something wasn’t good for you and put you at a disadvantage. You need to offer it to just yourself. You create your own reality. Make sure the things you do that you think make you confident aren’t just in fact giving you a false sense of security and authority. Be strong for yourself, go within, and take care of you, not the the ones who make you feel replaceable.




They’re trying their hardest to believe you won’t leave them. Being greedy and then going to other options will get you bad karma. You’ve worked too hard to let some dumb shit get you down. You’re not letting assholes do nothing but offer negativity, if that’s what they do, they have to go. You’re not happy on your own or without this person in particular. So make sure not to do things to take what’s good for you for granted. Don’t do anything dumb like deal with toxic people and their toxic shit. You may be feeling left out by someone but they’re trying to work on their skills and improve stability within their emotions like you asked them to do. They don’t want to go and they want a happy home with you. Sometimes they are afraid to be broke and feel stuck. They’ve lost their freedom before and don’t want to go through that again. You’re deciding to only offer or accept offers that benefit you. Quickly become happy by not being guarded and offering your feelings to the one you know is always there for you.




You have the strength to not put yourself in situations where you’ll be lied to or hurt and controlled so easily again. All the times you felt stuck due to someone else’s insecurities are over. Slowly you’ll come out of that negative outlook and with it will come an increase in money because you’ll be doing things of your passion with passion. Even if you don’t feel that confident yet you’ll feel happier from walking away from the things that drain you. Some people think you might be happier on your own. In the past you may have thought you were more confident but that was only because you didn’t have so much to lose. Helping others in times of pain and confusion will help you in return. You’ll be happier when you can get away from those who love to fight. Just because they’re feeling bad about them self and having other options doesn’t mean you need to feel fucked up about it. You’re strong enough to be above the arguing and pettiness. You’re over the fake relationships that make you feel like an option or not good enough and go for ones where you feel the loyalty and the peace of not dealing with cruel individuals anymore.

Big Brother 20 September 20th 2018

JC nominates Angela and Tyler.

Haleigh mentions Tyler is running game harder than she knew.

Bayleigh thinks Kaycee is making the best moves in the game.

Sam threw up an illuminati sign AGAIN.

Scottie noticed that Tyler never meant to go all the way with any of his final 2’s.

Brett says I’m glad I didn’t want any of yall to win.

Kaycee wins veto, keeps noms the same, evicts Angela.

Big Brother 20 Episode Recap September 19, 2018

The veto comp is a maze and they have to find certain things.

The winner with best time was Kaycee!


Kaycee doesn’t use the veto.

(Sorry, family emergency caused me to not be able to finish the show blog live)

Sam and JC give their eviction speeches.

JC’s speech was cute.

Sam goes home.

Sam feels embarassed to wear sweatpants out, it’s okay Sam 🙂

She feels surprised that she got 2-0 vote.

She said JC is annoying, and Tyler said he would take her F2 so she’s confused. She doesn’t feel different about them.

She feels maybe she was too different and not prepared for the experience but it’s changed her and she has been completely changed thanks to it all and she thinks she maybe isolated herself at times.

She said it would take way longer than a few seconds to talk about how the game has changed her and what she’s learned about herself.

JC solidified a spot in F3.

I will post the other one soon. Thanks 🙂

Next week will be finale.

JC says “we were just sitting here having tea time and now I’m the new HOH hahaha”

Big Brother 20 Episode Recap September 16th 2018

Sam breaks the ice “There’s only five of us left, what do I say, who wants dinner?”

Sam said she called Angela a bitch and she’s sorry.

Angela said to DR “It’s okay, I’ll tell you it’s fine, but this bitch is getting you out of here as soon as possible.”

Tyler lies to Sam about Brett wanting to put her up.

JC asks Tyler “what the fuck was that?”

Tyler tells JC that Brett said he was going to put JC up if he won HOH.

JC tells DR he doesn’t believe Tyler.

JC is after Tyler.


Tyler threw up the illuminati symbol.

So did Sam.

It was almost a tie between Angela and Sam, but JC got the point, so it kept Angela ahead.

Angela is HOH again.


JC says he swears he’s smarter than this in real life.

Angela wants Sam out before JC because she’s everyone’s best friend in Jury.

Angela says don’t believe anything coming out of JC’s manipulative mouth.


Angela whispers to Tyler I have a secret to tell you, pinky promise you won’t tell anyone? He pinky promises her. She whispers to him “I’m in love with you.” he said “Weird we share the same secret”

Tyler says they win, but feels like he already won.

:3 aww

To celebrate the top 5 they’re invited to BB Rexa concert.

I like the song she sang on the concert.

The lyrics are good.

She asks if their minds are clearer without social media? They all agree yes.

She says she doesn’t stand a chance next to either one of them in Final 2.

Her target is Sam because she’s over her mood swings.


Big Brother 20 Episode Recap Live DOUBLE Eviction September 13th 2018

Haleigh goes home first round of eviction.

She doesn’t seem really excited to see Fessy even though she says that.

Angela tells Haleigh Brett is to blame.

She says she believes Kaycee and Angela over Brett.

Tyler is new HOH.

I suspect he’ll put up JC and Brett.

I am not sure who they’ll vote out. Probably JC…or maybe they’ll put up Sam with JC.

Tyler says stick to the plan, Level 6. Brett throws out JC’s name.

Tyler says “let me handle it!”

They say they don’t want Sam or JC to get veto.

Sam says to Tyler that some girl walks around thinking she’s better than everybody (guess that’s angela?) Tyler says trust me, who you thinks coming for you you don’t know.

He puts up JC and Sam.

POV is coming up.

Angela gets POV. I suspect she will not change them, unless she wants to backdoor Brett…

They want to vote out JC.

(Tyler and Angela)

she just said Sam though…maybe I misheard? Or they’re confusing people, I am not sure.

She uses it on JC she says she calls it being one step ahead.

Tyler calls it being two steps ahead and puts up Brett.

Brett sighs.

I called it. I called the backdoor. Damn.

Brett is pissedddd.

Sam says she’s sorry that she ever doubted angela.

Brett says he played a loyal game but they clearly made their choices and need to make a game move.

JC is sad to evict Brett.

Kaycee says she must evict Brett. She seems upset.

Angela smiles while voting out Brett.

He is upset to hear the 3 – 0.

Sam says they’ll pack his thing with respect and care.

Tyler says he’s the best player in here.

He kicks the door open to the stage with Julie.

He says come on Hype it up! to the crowd.


Julie “You got played, son.”

She asks why he didn’t out Level 6. He says “I don’t have a good answer to that”

He says keeping his mouth shut he thought would help him but it didn’t.

Julie says you broke rank and went to Tyler about the two girls though. Why?

Brett says I can’t beat Kaycee and Angela.

She calls him out on his loyalty, he goes “yeah but they don’t know that”

He feels most betrayed by Tyler because of the final 2.

Brett said he predicted the outcome with it.

He respects the gameplay and is upset but respects it.

He said we’ll see about emotionally voting in Jury or not.

85 days.

Next Wednesday another person is leaving.

She called Brett “Brent” as she closed the show out. Lol.

They wonder how they’ll pack up Brett’s stuff.

Big Brother 20 Episode Recap September 12th 2018

Tyler asks Sam if she’s okay, she says “I think so. I’m not walking around here like I’m safe. The way I behave is to keep my sanity. I clean, I have my routine…”

Tyler notices she’s already starting to freak out.

Haleigh says she needs some febreze, and Sam says “we have a hundred million cans…”

Haleigh hopes Sam loses her cool.

Brett asks JC if he likes his hair slicked back better or not

JC says whatever

Brett says oh come on, JC says youa lways look great babe.

They say they know Sam’s going to work herself up into a fit.

They are worried who goes up if Haleigh takes herself down with veto.

JC says it’s for sure one of us. It won’t be Angela or Tyler.


Kaycee tells Tyler she’ll put up JC if someone comes down.


Angela’s parents wish her well and tell her she’s doing well and that they miss her.

82 days

She says it means everything they’re there with her.

Brett’s family says they can smell him from there. They love and miss him.

He calls his sister a lil shit.

Sam’s mom dad and brother say they are proud of her.

She said it was a great comfort.

Tyler’s mom and step dad say they are super proud of him.

He says he misses his dad in heaven and hearing his mom say that means alot. He says he gets all his strength from his dad.

Kaycee’s dad and brothers say they’re getting peanut allergies from her. They mock their mom and say how much they all miss her.

She says “I’m never gonna hear the end of peanut”

JC’s friend says they miss him so much, and he’s a winner in their eyes. bring home the check so they can go shopping.

JC says he feels weird being the only one not close with his family. He says even a gay girl here still has her family. He says it sucks knowing whatever you do is never ever going to be enough. For some people it just never matters. I know how you feel buddy..

Haleigh’s parents and kitty say they miss her and they are proud.

She says she misses and loves them and she’s so grateful. She was getting burnt out but now it feels like a new day.


JC and Brett lay out in the sun eating grapes.


Brett calls JC a bitch for waking him up.

JC points out Brett’s patchy beard.

Brett says he can’t be the only annoying pervert in the house.

Tyler says JC is pissing him off trying to target Kaycee and Angela.


Kaycee has HOH and now VETO. Three times in a row she’s had Veto.

Kaycee says they’re too far in the game to not be sure of every single move going on in the house. Tyler tells her about JC wanting her and Angela out.

Kaycee doesn’t use the power of veto.

“DUH” she says.

Sam says she’s chosen not to verbally rip them a new asshole.

Tyler says he’s planning for the future, time to go to war.

Tune in tomorrow. Double Eviction!!


Mid September 2018 Tarotscope All Elements

Take what resonates. These are general.





Do what makes you happy, oh wait, you don’t know what that is and won’t till you quit your addictions. You already know that your problems are due to your habits. You aren’t stable mentally, so that means when you do them it only aggravates your mania and depression. You can fight, run, hide, but your enemy is going wherever you go because the enemy is inside of yourself. The advice is obvious, do what makes you happy till you forget about wanting it again. You need help with this. You will struggle more than you need to if you try to do it on your own. Don’t be selfish either, the reason there’s an issue is because you’ve invested into the wrong things. Have faith in your recovery process. The person who’s done the most wrong here is the one who is always creating drama instead of answering questions. You need help to quit and you will feel much better afterwards. Going to your past is a trap that you are putting yourself into. You might think people are doing things wrong but your judgement is impaired and you can’t see clearly. Fighting with people who would do anything for you is probably not the smartest idea. It’s not working for you right? Stop fucking doing it.




You’re really irritated waiting and hoping people will want to meet up with you and you aren’t seeing that some bigger force is trying to keep you out of trouble and away from people who are no good for you. Do what feels right to you and turn your focus to your relationships at home. Your friends and coworkers are not long term and you know this. The reason things feel like a cycle repeating for you is because you are not choosing to be the Best you you can be. Open up. You have the strength in this bond to be able to do so. You want to be accepted for how you are so maybe you should do the same for them in return. You’re not happy and your problems are you focusing too much on luck to solve your problems instead of just committing to practically tackle them over time. They don’t want to keep being involved in your bullshit. You create your own problems. When you can admit you have a problem, you can ask for help and get it. You think eventually it’ll make you happy to have materialistic items quicker but all it’s doing is getting you colder in the relationship. In the past you used to be an honest person but you got caught up in the wrong crowd somewhere along the way. You’re not happy because your’e scared to have something good for once. It’s something you’ve never had and now that you’ve had it you’re afraid to lose it. You think you didn’t deserve something this good, so it’s scary. You feel stuck because you are investing into things rather than the one who you always wanted. You could be really happy if you’d just slow down and be you, the real you.




You had to go because you were immature, or will be. TOO. MUCH. DRAMA. You are not stable. You are probably really disassociative right now. You don’t want to pay up but it is the right thing to do. Thievery isn’t a cool or forgivable thing. Your cycle will continue to do this till you close it out. You can be happy and it’ll stop just stop giving into the wrong things and instead give to the right ones for you. You already know what you need to do. Don’t do anything that makes you feel bad or uncomfortable. You’re the one who has to live with it.




We have free will to conform to things or not. Understand from a higher level of consciousness that you need to evaluate the situation and see what it means to you that you perceive things how you do…and why? If you feel like you’re investing too much into something that is not satisfying you why not focus on what you like to do then? You deserve to be happy and feel confident about it. You’ve been happy independently before. You’re not stable and fighting alot because you’re ignoring yourself. When you take the time to slow down, enjoy, appreciate, and be fair to yourself like you are to others, then things you thought that wouldn’t work out for you will. What you want you’ve been blocking from yourself but that’ll change. They don’t want you to leave, they just want you to look at other options to make you happy when they’re busy. Do whatever makes you feel good and confident within yourself, whatever it may be. Being unhappy isn’t really who you are, it’s just what you had to be according to the overbearing, negative, and toxic people in your past to keep you stuck. Arguing won’t grant you your wishes. You’ve invested alot under that face but it’s time to move on and get a new one. Be the rebel you are to anything that resembles the restrictions you once endured. Nothing or no one is worth losing yourself over again. If you’re feeling stuck get out of your head, stop being anxious, and realize you can have whatever you want. You can stop playing the victim role. It is also a form of control and manipulation to act that way, and you’re not like that so be careful to not do it. Whatever you’re still mourning over go within to receive the messages about how the denial of these offers to you were actually in your favor. You wouldn’t have been happy or stable in those places or as successful. You lack confidence because people who were miserable themselves wanted you to stay stuck with them and may only be coming around again to get you held back up. You aren’t allowing it to continue any farther. What you are going to do is stop feeling guilty or apologetic about being happy now. You’re not bound by this negative energy anymore and because you’re not going to deal with any funny business you can now feel at ease. You’re not going to keep fighting because you no longer feel such an urge to. When you can stop acting petty, you can have a good fortune and who you want to turn things around for you. If you expect it to be quick you’re going to get disappointed. Be happy not so much while focusing on what you can do for them  it instead yourself. Offers that seem too good to be true are. Take your time being picky through the options, and then when you got it you can lay your burdens down and walk away from them. Stop pursuing things that don’t make you happy . They love you. You love them. You don’t want to split, and they’re not betraying you. But you are not stable and you really need to make yourself happy because by you not you  are looking like the asshole here and that’s not the case. You’re scared to do your new thing even though it’s exactly the new challenge you need. Let go of who they made you be and edit yourself to your own preferences.

Big Brother 20 Episode Recap September 9th 2018

Haleigh knows she’s going on the block again.

Sam feels bad for herself because she’s alone.

Kaycee and Angela talk about Haleigh and then Sam out.

Kaycee said Sam goes up as pawn, Haleigh backdoor target.

Kaycee’s brother wrote her. “Something’s in my eye!” she fibs about her crying.

Her little brother asked her to be his best “thingamajig whatever” as he marries his girlfriend. Everyone’s emotional. (Including me)

Tyler asks Angelina fave food “Sushi”

“Least fave?”

“PB & J, I hate how it smells.”

She has an acute sense of smell and it bothers her (I have this also)

Angela says Tyler never smells bad.

Brett goes and tells Sam if she goes up as pawn to calm down. He wants to build up her confidence so if she wins HOH next week, she doesn’t put him up maybe.

She said “So I’m going up. They always say pawn isn’t the main target”

“Brett doesn’t want me to freak out. Me? Freak out? Never…” she tells DR.

She goes to talk to Kaycee.

Kaycee says Sam has paranoia so she needs to make her feel safe.

She tells Sam she has a target, and she has to go.

“Is it Haleigh?” Sam asks.

“Everyone knows Sam…so let’s cross our fingers and hope…” Kaycee comments in DR.


Haleigh comes up to talk to Kaycee.

She keeps repeating “I have you I have you”

Kaycee says If you had me you wouldn’t have put me on the block twice.

Shut. Up.

Kaycee says “Yes..I do have you, as number one target this week” to DR.


Nicole from BB18 shows up for the luxury comp.

They all see her from HOH cam.

Victor shows up on the screen.

“You always fill in my blank. Even though I didn’t win the money, I walked out with the biggest prize in the world, and that was you. Our story started in the Big Brother house, but i know my future is going to be with you.”

He walks out in a suit with cut hair. He starts to tear up and gets on a knee and proposes. All the houseguests watch.

Another guest…

cliffhanger for commercial. God damnit.


Derrick, Paul, Brittany, Josh, and Danielle showed up too.

Now the house guests come down to join.

Sam says she’s a hopeless romantic and lives for things like that.

Tyler says having a house full of legends motivates him even more.

Brett wants to know if he looks like a jackass or awesome like he thinks he does.

Angela thinks Derrick smells good.

There’s no real luxury comp, this was for the proposal party.


JC is doing hoop jumps.

“You get around…haha…get it?!” Brett says. (He’s just like my boyfriend, looks mannerisms and all -_- lol )


Angela talks about not having a childhood and having to be perfect. I feel her pain. She talks about only associating with that identity and not knowing how to be anyone else. ( also know this feeling… damn.

Tyler says he’s so lucky to have met an amazing person like her.

Haleigh knocks on HOH door while Kaycee’s rocking out on her headphones.

Kaycee says she hasn’t really talked much and doesn’t have much to say.

Haleigh starts to cry again and Kaycee hugs her and tells her to stop.

Haleigh says she enjoys and cares about Kaycee, and that she’s tired of being on the block and it sucks.

Here she goes with the “you have me” again… ughhh..shuttup.

Kaycee says “on personal level i love her but gameplay i dont know her. big picture is im going for veto, then im going for her. its  strictly game.”

Haleigh and Sam are nominated. Sam frowns.

Haleigh smiles and nods knowing already it would happen.

Sam says she will tear every door off this bitch in this motherfucker and lose my mind and I swear on everything that’s holy they will regret it if I’m looking like a dumbass and this isn’t real (Damn girl sound like me right now! LOL)


Thanks for tuning in.

Big Brother 20 Episode Recap September 6th 2018

Tyler is playing Haleigh and Scottie.

JC asks Tyler about him and Angela.

He says 100% she ran from that bed to that couch.

Tyler calls him paranoid.

Tyler tells JC that it’s not a good idea AT ALL to put up Kaycee or Angela and he needs to stop.

Angela and Tyler are talking in bed about JC and Brett and Haleigh.

(They are very smart)

Tyler says can’t be taking shots at JC though, that’s not good for me either.

Tyler is going to have his plans backfire on him.

He cries about how he can’t keep her safe because he came for the money.

Derrick! I was just talking about him the other day. How he won Jury because no one knew he was so undercover.

Brett talks to Scottie to figure out Jury thoughts.

Scottie tells Brett how Rockstar hated her goodbye message from Angela.

Bayleigh also super pissed at Angela.

And Fessy.

Brett and JC talk about how it’s obvious Angela doesn’t think or care that people know her and Tyler are being sneaky together.

They say how she has 2 people in her pocket, and need to backdoor Angela.

Brett wants to feed JC’s paranoia so he doesn’t have to get blood on his hand.

Derrick says you can’t determine the winner yet. Jury Management is one of the most important things he says. He said if he was Tyler he’d bring Angela to Final 2.

Scottie just said something very inappropriate apparently cause it got blocked out and all guests are shocked.


Everyone votes out Scottie.

Scottie goes out again.

He thinks they don’t keep him because he’s unpredictable.

He said he tried so hard to be tame but it got him nowhere.

He says they’re not good at lying.

He says he prefers Haleigh over Tyler, but he probably would’ve went with Tyler to final 2 because of the numbers.

Kaycee got HOH. 🙂

Big Brother 20 Episode Recap September 5th 2018

After Nom Ceremony:

Tyler said he rather see Haleigh go, but they both need to stay calm so they don’t come after him.

Haleigh says she’s been adapting every day to survive.

Scottie says he fucks up because he fucks up. Haleigh says the same about herself. They speculate Sam going next.

Tyler tells Haleigh Scottie went up cause everyone’s uncomfortable with him there.

JC thinks he’s manipulating Tyler. He tells Tyler he’s acting weird. Tyler says “I’m on a power trip.”

Tyler knows he has to watch JC.

Sam is excited to straighten Tyler’s hair.



“I look like Joe Dirt and Kid Rock had a baby Oh my God!”

he’s so red hahaha

JC says “Fabio? No. He’s a completely old independent woman.”


Angela and Tyler are cuddling in bed.

JC and Brett cockblock.

Angela and Tyler make a game.

Everytime someone knocks on the door to try to catch them they get some points, and when they say it to each one individually, more.

Brett keeps making the comments.

They just laugh about it.

Tyler kisses Angela in bed.


Kaycee gets picked, Scottie gets House Guest choice, picks Steve, lol, jk, Sammie

He says He knows she despises Haleigh so it’ll save him.

JC also gets picked.


Angela says Sam’s emotions are annoying.

Everyone calls her annoying, I’m just like her..whatever. Psh.

Brett questions if Sam’s okay.

They want her gone because her vibe is a downer.

Kaycee offers to share bed with Haleigh.

Haleigh says she likes Fessy but she’s going to sever it game wise and do what she needs to.

Kaycee says she didn’t agree with Fessy’s actions/words. They talk about being closer.

Kaycee says she likes Haleigh and she wants to build some stuff with her incase she wins HOH.

Kaycee gets Veto.

Kaycee sees Haleigh crying and cuddles her.

Haleigh tells Kaycee that Scottie said she was the pawn.

Kaycee says trust me you’re okay.

Kaycee does not use Veto.

Plan is to send Scottie, but Tyler wants Haleigh to go.


Big Brother 20 Episode Recap September 2nd 2018

Tyler won HOH.

Haleigh is crying “I can’t do this anymore, why drag it out? Just send me home now.”

Scottie says he’s going to try to rekindle the friendship with Tyler.

JC says Tyler winning HOH is basically like him winning HOH.

JC talks shit about Sam to Haleigh to try to keep them arguing with one another.

Tyler and Angela call JC a snake/rat.

Tyler and Angela are flirting, wishing the game was over already.

Kaycee says the first person she came out to was her dad and he said oh yeah I knew that, atleast I don’t have to worry about you getting pregnant. She talks about how it hurt her mom.

JC says I know it’s cheesy but it’s really true, it always gets better.

Tyler points out all the times Haleigh screwed him over.

Scottie pitches to Tyler.

JC tries to manipulate Tyler, he says it’s not going to work.

Tyler puts up Scottie and Haleigh.

Big Brother 20 Episode Recap Cont. August 30 2018

Fessy comes out and surprises all the jurors, he hugs Scottie and apologizes for being so stupid.

Scottie won back into the house!

He says new strategy was gonna be Haleigh, but it might have to be Tyler, he doesn’t know yet.

He thinks JC will be the most shocked and most annoyed he’s back.

Tyler and Brett seem happy.

And Kaycee and Haleigh

thanks for keeping up! Wow! Can’t wait to see what happens. Might be tuning into feeds tomorrow also.

Big Brother Episode Recap August 30th 2018

Tonight Haleigh or Fessy goes home, but Jury member gets a chance to come back. Let’s go

Kaycee doesn’t use Veto on Haleigh or Fessy.

Fessy says he’s most mad because he thought he did a good job of them not being put up.

Haleigh wonders how does she stay in the game without hurting him.

She says why are you mad?

He says this is our last week together so…

She says I’m not with them cause I don’t want to be with you.

He says I don’t know what will happen outside of this house.

He’s insecure about what will happen, what was real, what wasn’t

She tells him she’s the same that she is now.

She says she’s going to be mindful of what she does because he’s important to her, but her hanging with everyone is her playing the game.

Fessy says he’s going to set her up to win.

She wonders what happens if there’s a battle back, he says he hopes it’s him or Scottie.

Brett says he keeps running things through his own mind, and feels Tyler is the only one who’s with him in the out of group thing, so he offers him a final 2.

Brett is thinking about ahead when Level 6 can’t keep going

Brett suspects Angela and Kaycee have a final 2

Tyler says he can’t turn down Final 2.

He has half the house to final 2 agreement.

Brett talks about how many women he’ll have after the show.

Tyler says he likes Angela, and she’s cute, but he’s here for the money.

Tyler rolls his eyes to the camera and mouths “Four final twos? ugh”

Bayleigh, Rockstar, Scottie, and tonight’s evictee will have a chance to come back tonight.


JC goes to talk to Tyler. He says how Kaycee and Angela probably have a final 2.

JC says he plans to take 1 of them out.

“What about after faysal?”

Tyler says no.

Tyler says it’s too early, you’re going to screw it up.

Tyler says “you’re not going to convince me”

Tyler says “get out of here with that grumpy face”

JC says “sorry i dont have a happy face”

JC says obviously Tyler isn’t on board, but who isn’t close with them? Brett.

Brett and JC are talking about Angela and Kaycee now.

Fessy blows Angela out of the water about being fake, and don’t worry, she’s not all that like she thinks.

He mentions how Angela has Tyler and Brett on leashes and they need to get a handle on that.

He also says how Sam was mentioned as a replacement nom since all she does is complain.

Haleigh says I hope I don’t leave, but I’m going to let you know how much you mean to me, you taught me how to be more accepting and loving

4-1 Fessy is leaving…

Haleigh saw Fessy’s sister.

Angela says she never said that about Sam.

Sam says I know I don’t know what that was

Julie asks Fessy what he lied about

He said some was true some wasn’t

She asks if he got veto who would’ve he saved,

he says if I used the veto on myself she would’ve went home, but he doesn’t want to answer it.

Haleigh said they were the two worst players in Big Brother.

He says “I probably should’ve not sent Scottie home, but he sketched me out”

Is there going to be a real relationship? “I hope so”

Julie “HMMMM”

if you could go back, what would you do different?

he says “I don’t know what I would do different”

she mentions the battle back.

He freaks out 🙂

Julie says “what’s with the tone? Aren’t you happy to hear from me? Settle down”

battleback happens, but they wont watch, and they wont know till the winner shows back up. and then they’re back in the game.

Bayleigh screams in Jury house “WHY WOULD YOU TELL TYLER ROCKSTAR WHY!?!”

The stream died. So I will update when I find out more.

Big Brother 20 August 29 2018 Episode Recap

Haleigh picks Sam, she looks super ecstatic…not.

She says now she wants to win to secure her own security.

Fess mentions that JC is the next target if he goes.

veto score

jc 2

haleigh 13

sam 2

angela 16

faysal 32

kaycee 33

oh shitttt kaycee by 1

fessy so madddd

Brett hears Haleigh cry after Fessy is mad because she’s hanging out with Level 6.

Brett consoles her on the hammock.

He is going to cozy up to her and pull her into his corner he says.

He asks if they are in a showmance, she says no.

Haleigh says she’s going to do what it takes to stay there, she’s came this far.

Veto Meeting

Kaycee doesn’t use the veto. She says personally she loves them game wise it makes sense to leave it the same.

Kaycee says it was tough…psyche! easiest decision! Long time coming my ass…

Fessy says he realizes now its almost up. He hopes 1 good thing out of it was Haleigh, hopefully.

Haleigh says one of us is staying, I’m looking out for me. I feel like everyone I’m around gets evicted.

Tyler feels powerless now that he has no app.

Brett jumps around.

Tune in tomorrow. Jury member is battling to come back…

End of August to Beginning of September 2018 Tarotscope All Elements


You can’t expect others to give you what you want if you don’t even know that yourself. You may quit something that others would view as sad or hard to let go of but you actually wanted this because you want to focus elsewhere. Someone feels better off due to nothing being shown for the time invested and feeling like all the arguing is due to someone offering things to someone outside of the union. They’re not going to do anything though because they feel like you should be the one who comes out and says what ever it is that you need to say. You can’t make offers when you’re not stable. You can’t progress in life much if you’re not stable and you know you’ve been partaking in something toxic and/or addictive that confuses your judgement and rationalization skills. Everyone else can’t always be the enemy. Look at what you are giving your power to. Find the confidence, strength, and compassion to offer the world your Best Self once again. You deserve happiness too, karma can be cleared. Now is the time to be a balanced new you.


You could be really happy but you choose to be a way that makes this other person suffer from major anxiety instead. You don’t properly show them security and affection. Someone is going to feel left out or leave if they keep feeling like you’re incapable of being committed and being emotional or have the ability to atleast self reflect. This doesn’t make for a happy home and they are tired of dealing with the bullshit. You have been known to be manipulative and sneaky, when two people tried to say something they got cut out for it, and nothing can seem to stick long in your life. Who’s fault is that? You are anxious because you think you are better off on your own but the right thing to do in this situation is not go out and spend your time and money with others but better spent on yourself and closest ones to you, putting down some bad habits, and investing more into your personal interests and relationships. When has lying ever worked for you long term? Or made you happy? Maybe you only feel this way because you’re too busy comparing things or people you shouldn’t be. You know in your heart that with a little more love and support you can see that would allow the other person to bloom fully into them self through what they have with you in the relationship. Offer them no manipulation, no anxiety, and alot of happiness, and you know it’ll turn out better than you had wished for. Be open with your feelings and take the lesson with the blessing and go forward with healing and then you can grow and be stronger.


You can have more options, stop giving so much to someone who doesn’t place you first in their life. The truth is deep down you know this investment hasn’t been fulfilling but you can turn the situation around 180 if you stop caring about what others say and think about what you do. You’re happy going “nowhere” but others may view you negatively for that but that’s because they’re insecure within themselves not being able to feel validated and secure at a contentment level border-lining “mediocre” in society’s standards. You want a renewal in your life with something or someone that you’re passionate about and a commitment you are coming out about how you feel about them. Someone maybe doesn’t want to fight about how they don’t feel you’re really there for them the same because they think it’s them just being insecure. They are doing what they can to deal with all that you’ve put them through, because you were selfish and not balanced. Now you are and you want to do what’s right. Things are alot happier when you boost their confidence. If you’re really paranoid, make sure you’re not under some influence. Also make sure you’re not being too idle because that can create bad manifestation as well.


This is what you’ve been wishing for. Just gotta work a little bit longer at it. If you need to be a little more reserved to feel better just explain why you are doing so. Recently you said how you felt about a situation and things have been adjusting around your preferences. You have what you’ve been hoping for but haven’t been able to feel the success of reaching this point yet. You can’t see it but out of nowhere you’re going to be receiving something good that’ll make you happier. You are so upset over what’s happened that you haven’t stopped to see all the inner work this other person has been doing. You’re beyond ripe for creating something huge and wonderful. You’re anxious and can’t sleep because you feel ugly, tainted, and worthless. You have to know and remember you are radiantly attractive, abundant, creative, caring, and you got this. You don’t see yet how much blessing is waiting for you in this union. You are strong it’s okay to be vulnerable and happy at the same time. You are caring more about what selfish miserable people have said and think you deserve shit and for someone who doesn’t put up with other people’s bullshit that’s some bullshit right there telling yourself that. So quit creating drama and unhappiness if you want to feel content. In the past they may not have offered much but that’s changing now, so get ready. There was something you set out to do before but things happened which made it become another burden for you to carry. Especially when you are remembering when others would tell you your life has been hard because that’s what you’ve deserved. You deserve to be happy and if a relationship isn’t doing it for you you’re not going not stay stuck. You don’t need to be controlled while they’re doing whatever they want. Take back your power and regain balance. You’ll be happy alone if they can’t get right because that’s not at all what you wanted when you got with them and there’s no second chances if they don’t try to make it up right away. It’s not worth it to be treated that way. Something may make you want to explode but it may be better to just get out for a bit. Understand others may not see you for who you really are but they do try to be fair and give you your independence but also try to care for you at the same time. It might look questionable or shady to others, but who really cares its about you and them at the end of the day.

Big Brother Episode Recap August 26th 2018

Fessy really thinks Tyler and Angela are helping him and Haleigh. -_-

They have to find a plastic ball in a ball pit with a chance to roll a ball down a factory line that has swinging lollipops, and lock their score in place or go back into a ball pit to get another one.

(Sounds like a long competition mixed with people being prideful, luckily there’s a time limit)

Sam is stashing tokens.

Tyler doesn’t want to win HOH.

JC doesn’t want to win HOH.

Sam barters her chips “As long as you don’t put me up”

JC doesn’t understand her logic.

Angela rather have Brett or Kaycee to win but no one will lock a score, so she’s going to… with a 39.

Tyler got a 38…close.

Haleigh got a 36…nope.

Angela is new HOH 🙂

Poor naive Fessy, still harping on the new alliance.

Angela says she lost the connection with Sam.

Tyler and Haleigh say how she’s distanced herself from everyone.

Tyler says being in the big brother house is fun when you get things your way.

Haleigh notices the quad being excited and puts 2 and 2 together.

Angela asks “Was that bad?”

Tyler says yeah, but whatever.

Haleigh says “I Guarentee I see my picture tomorrow, guarentee”

Fessy still thinks that Angela isn’t going to put them up.

Angela says it sucks that she has to get blood on her hands twice.

Angela says she’s thinking about Sam.

Haleigh says “I figure you probably want to put me up next to her”

Angela says “maybe she’s as dumb as her boyfriend!”

Haleigh says “told you” to Fessy. Umm to be fair, you offered it, you planted that seed first Haleigh…anyways.

Fessy signals Haleigh to leave the room.

Fessy says “She’s not gonna touch you, Angela”

Angela isn’t having it.

Fessy to Tyler she can’t put Haleigh up as a pawn because Sam next to Haleigh, who knows

Haleigh interrupts and argues, Tyler smirks.

Haleigh says “I’m not the kind of person to let a man speak for me, so the fact he tells me to basically stop talking infuriates me”

she tells him she doesnt appreciate it

he’s trying to excuse it

she says “they dont owe me shit so stop saying that for me”

she says “im trying to talk it down because i see how it’s not going somewhere good, they dont owe me shit, is this how you act outside of the house? whats this attitude?”

she says if he’s this mean she doesn’t know what he’s like outside of the house and she doesn’t know how she likes it.

JC likes to cook and make good food.  ( I bet he smokes pot lol )

JC calls the girls his whales, throwing candy into their mouths. HAHA

He says to Kaycee “You’re gonna be ‘lesbihonest'”

Haleigh says she thinks Ty’s type is shy quiet reserved classy healthy

he says the last few girls are “tall”


Tyler says you make it hard to be around here, she asks how?

he says “you walking around here… being yourself.”

Angela says “Maybe I like him, just a little bit!”

Angela talks about how she has walls.

Tyler is like “Why am I wearing her hoodie?!”

Angela talks about Sam and Haleigh but it’s not necessary because they’ll still need to get both Haleigh and Fessy out.

“Maybe Sam, i dont know”

Brett and JC think wasting an HOH on Sam is dumb as fuck.

JC pitches it to Angela.

Fessy now talks to Angela.

Angela says I’m pretty sure Haleigh is going to be a pawn.

Angela says “I think people would be suspicious of me if I didn’t up Haleigh up at least”

Haleigh and Fessy get put up together.

Big Brother 20 Live Episode Recap August 23, 2018

Lovin’ Chenbot’s high collar button up tank. Stylin’.

It’s day 65



after POV

Fessy tells Haleigh how Scottie called her “Kaitlyn 2.0” and wants her to be put up as replacement nom.

She cries and says “I’ve defended him and he does this to me”

Angela tells Kaycee that Sam should get put up.

Haleigh cries and Kaycee, Angela, and Tyler hug and console her.

Haleigh thinks she’s the only one who has Scottie’s back.

Kaycee says she feels bad for her but it’s making it a cake walk for level 6

Haleigh wakes up Scottie and wants to see what he says.

Scottie says “You need to dissaociate from me”

he says “you’re going to hate me, I threw you under the bus”

He tells her how he called her “Kaitlyn 2.0”

he says he feels awful, it was stupid, she was the only person who had his back, and now his stomach is in knots.

Scottie is crying with Haleigh.

She says how she’s not meant for the game.

“If you put her on the block I’m gonna be pissed. I don’t want that.”

Scottie says.

Fessy says “You going against her is literally the stupidest thing”

Scottie mentions how he had feelings for Haleigh.

Fessy says just cause she’s close to the both of us doesn’t mean she’s playing us.

Fessy says he wants Sam to go but he doesn’t know if the two of them can get on the same page.

Veto Meeting:

Scottie says he’s not wasting his time asking about the POV. He says “we’ll never beat out Sammie in jury vote. she put your 2 best friends up. made it so you had to choose 1”

Brett decided to use the POV on himself.

Fessy replaces Brett with Kaycee.

Kaycee is confident that she’s not going home.

Kaycee and Fessy talk about Scottie probably going home and she feels fine.

Brett, Angela, and Tyler talk about how the votes should be unanimous to get Scottie out.

Brett starts a fire with bacon and brown sugar.

Sam extinguishes it.

Brett says, “Sammie saved our lives”

Tyler goes to talk to Fessy with Angela and Haleigh about working with him in the future.

Fessy says “You 2 are really strong competitors”

Angela thinks floaters are bullshit.

Everyone has 2 man deal with everyone

Tyler’s final 4 would be him Kaycee, JC, and Angela.

Final 2, Kaycee.

Tyler says he’s making people feel confident with him so they take him.

He says he’s going to let them take shots, and hope no one catches on.

Scottie apologizes for his immaturity.

Angela votes out Scottie

JC votes out Scottie

Tyler votes out Scottie

Haleigh votes out Scottie

Sam votes out Scottie

Brett votes out Scottie

Everyone voted Scottie out.

Scottie gives everyone big hugs.

He runs out and shakes Julie’s hand.

He whispered to Sam “not bye, TTFN”

He said he was trying to double cross Sam.

He says he likes Haleigh but tries to ignore it.

Poor Scottie.

HOH won’t be known yet.

Big Brother 20 August 22, 2018 Episode Recap

Zingbot is here

“Miss me losers? This way you mindless humans”

“Speak for yourself, I was a robot. That must be my boyfriend” says Sam.


Angela gets compared to a heartless emotionless souless robot.

Haleigh gets asked about a crush on Brett, but it’s actually about Scottie.

Kaycee gets called boring for always saying “lets go!”

Brett always seems so fresh and clean which makes sense because he’s a giant douche LOL

Something extra greasy, burnt to a crisp, with a side of zits, sounds like some tyler!

Haleigh you were so good at reading hamlet but the real tragedy is your HOH reign

Scottie sabotages the floor so people don’t look for his folder.

Brett falls on it.

Brett puts mattresses on his pillows.

Tyler says Sam is going to kill everyone because of the mess.

They show Sam asking about the mess.

Jc says go inside I don’t want you to have a heart attack. (sounds like me)

Fessy finds Haleigh’s folder.


Tyler notices the effort in the have not room and he’s investigating.

Scottie checks for his folder, and he findsa nother one.

Haleigh found Scottie’s.

Brett won POV hiding his.

He calls himself a cockroach. (Deja vu?)

Sam loses her shit. (Just like I would)

“These are a bunch of ungrateful little bitches”

Sam says she wants to convince Fessy to put Haleigh up and says “this is fun, I like playing now”

Kind of fucked up considering Haleigh tried to help her clean.

Sam confronts Fessy about putting up Haleigh. Saying that she’s using him as a tool.

He says “wow that’s a curveball Sam”

Fessy mouths “what the fuck” to the camera and tells DR “Zingbot wasn’t kidding when he called Sam crazy”

Scottie says “I know who you can get out where no one is upset with you”

Fessy says “I already know who it is I think”

Scottie says put Haleigh up because she’s Kaitlyn 2.0

Fessy says “That’s what I figured”

Fessy knows about the shadiness. He says he has a lot of thinking to do.

Ohhh shitttt

End of August 2018 Tarotscope

Some of these may not resonate with everyone. Take what works and apply it to your situation. They’re general readings. Thank you




You want to move away quickly from the things you know aren’t benefiting you. The only way to stop feeling the way you do is leave or quickly offer your love to this person because what you’ve been doing to them is unfair and will never workout if you always are creating drama due to another person knocking you off balance. In the past you maybe lied and were manipulative, didn’t want to commit, and keeping other choices around. They are guarded now that they’re building themselves back up and in a relationship they moved on because they want commitment that’s something you wouldn’t do for them. You pouting over nothing coming from this is you being immature and playing victim. Time to move on. The more you try to do this the more anxious you’ll be. There’s nothing left there and trying to make a fool of them publicly will not do anything to help you, especially if you were hoping for some help. Making people out to be your enemy and making yourself feel victimized and defeated is blocking you in life and creating unnecessary havoc. You’d be much happier moving forward and going at it alone. You need your strength and focus on yourself getting better. It may not seem good at first but break this addiction and you will see. You can only blame your perception on whether “the world is yours” vs. “I’m stuck and can’t do anything about it.” Choose to let it go or have the universe rip it away in a way you surely won’t get it back.


You’re entirely way into your own head. Anxious over all scenarios. They are happy with you. Just because they do not always accept your offers doesn’t mean they don’t want to be with you. They feel weak if they are not withholding their own independence. You want a refreshment in your life and relationship and that’ll happen when you help keep them in a confident and balanced state by showing off your commitment to them. You’re lying to yourself if you feel like people are trying or expect you to stay trapped at home. That’s a third party or an addiction trying to tell you that. Offer it to the one who’s been there for you even when you know they didn’t need to put up with it. The quicker you shape up the better because they aren’t afraid to leave it all behind. You’re letting go of some burdens you had and focusing on being you and making the decision to live correctly which will take alot of stress off of you. You can’t see the damage this will do if you continue to do the things you know are not beneficial for you. Time for a new slate where even if it hurts you’re not putting up with the lies or manipulation. You can have it all as along as you let them be them and don’t try to manipulate or control them. Nothing good is going to come from acting how you are when you’re trying to order them around so quit being stubborn and closed off or you’re going to lose your chance with this. This is everything you’ve wanted so be strong and stop fighting with them. Go after the things you like stop worrying about others, you’re causing most of your own stress.


You did this to yourself. You’re your own worst enemy. You do these things because you’re immature not because anything happened to cause and excuse you to behave like this so be strong and really account yourself and make the changes you see and feel you need. Things would turn around for you if you’d just do the right thing. You don’t see that if you don’t properly close this cycle out then you’re going to have a bad time because you aren’t thinking ahead to when people find out about you and the unhappiness you’ve caused if you go through with this. There’s no happy relationship here. You leave people behind, hide away with your unstable emotions, and live life defensively. Anxiety every night is sure to be a success here, folks! If you’re not offering them money they don’t want to hear it. Stop investing in something that’s breaking your heart.


So rigid. So tense. This relationship is healing you though. It’s teaching you to accept your worth and to understand that everything you went through has earned you your happiness today. Enjoy it. Stay put and adjust things to how you would prefer it without asking for permission and guilt. It’s better than just quitting or dipping out without trying, right? You may just end up getting what you want and being happy without having to leave. It’s okay to want to take things slow to make sure no manipulation is going on against you. You can’t move past certain issues because you aren’t putting your energy to better uses and don’t feel a sense of security because you spend too much time thinking rather than doing. By chance you could be really happy if you offer something from what seemed like nothing. You’ll be happier when you can leave the mindset of having to care about how you seem or look to others. The drama and things people say don’t matter at the end of the day. What matters is how you handle it. Let down the burden of caring about what negative people have to say and instead focus on what opportunities in the world are being offered to you by just you being you. Take a step in a direction that’s meant for you by having the courage to do the things you’ve always wanted to do despite how others may have made you feel about it before. If you can find things to get you out of your shell and confident in yourself then alot of your codependency issues will start to fade. Do it and start watching the results come in. Offer your energy to what emotionally stabilizes you. The truth is this person loves you so stop being immature. Be healthy. Be happy. Think positive.

Big Brother 20 Episode Recap August 19th 2018

JC tried to warn Fessy ahead of time that they didn’t have the votes to keep Rockstar.

Fessy gets HOH

before eviction JC tells Tyler that Scottie will be the 1 vote for Kaycee to go.

Brett and JC are going to try to convince Fessy and Haleigh that Brett kept to keep Rockstar.

Scottie voted Kaycee out – reminder

Kaycee said she will say “I thought Scottie kept me?” when JC informs them stick tot eh story that Brett kept Rockstar.

JC said he’s going to mention to Fessy also that Scottie likes Haleigh to make him angry.

Fessy confronts the whole room about the vote, Scottie raises his hand.

Fesssy says are you sure?

Brett says “it was me.”

Scottie smirks.

He calls out Kaycee being a bullshit actor too.

Scottie says “I’m not coming at you”

Scottie tells Haleigh he loves her in front of Fessy which doesn’t help the case after him.

Scottie goes to talk to Fessy since it doesn’t make sense.

Haleigh is irritated that Fessy isn’t listening.

Fessy nominated

Brett and Scottie.

the reason he put them both up because 1 of them is lying.